QUINTA STUART - ECO HOSTEL AND PERMACULTURE IN THE ALGARVE

15 minutes with a local hero!!

2011-12-22T18:09:00.006Z

Sometimes a quiet drink leads to great things...

Sunday morning at BJs in Sta Barbara and SIC National news get confirmation from yours truly on the pending collapse of the euro and all Portugal's banking system... you mean no-one told you?? Watch the whole article with Owl's legendary Jamesons Whisky Cameo role on the link below...

.http://sicnoticias.sapo.pt/pais/article1066037.ece

Absolutely fabulous December weather, sunset over the naked bones of the Tipi

A minor refit and total repaint of the inside of the Cheeky Chapati, making it much comfier.

A new deck path and gravel garden add a nice touch to Villa Ganeesha. We are currently installing a new roof and draft proofing the walls.

Weedsheet and pinebark to tidy up the garden below Cosy Cabin.

New stone wall, giant Streltzias, weed sheet and Spanish pea gravel in the area between Cosy Cabin and the house. Now the remaining areas can be mowed or strimmed making the general maintenance much easier... us Landscapers are lazy beggers really!!

So Christmas looms, both Holly and Becky are with us for the holidays. We head off to Cuba for few weeks early January to study urban Permaculture design (and how to make the perfect Mohito!) and are back mid February. Have a great Christmas and don't do anything I wouldn't...

Travelling in Time

2011-12-05T00:13:00.009Z

An Eco Christmas, Part One

A years supply of wine bottles make an excellent Christmas tree at a fraction of the cost to this tiny planet!!

I am not a relaxed or organised traveller, but I know that when the hire car I booked is not awaiting me at the airport because of a computer mistake, it's the car hire company's problem. What I am slowly learning is that when the car isn't there because I accidentally booked it for the wrong airport, it's still sort of their problem.

Hot tears of self-recrimination are a waste of everybody's time; just take a deep breath, walk up to the desk and present yourself as a mess to be cleaned up. Advance planning can be psychologically soothing, but nothing will serve you as well as a relaxed attitude toward your own incompetence. Never apologise, never explain, and throw money at the problem if you think it will help!!

Travel hints number 1.

We all know about couch surfing, but choose the single hosts.. with no mates they are bound to cook you something!!

Admit your mistakes cheerily. No, I can't speak a word of Croatian, which is why I ordered the tripe. Yes, I lost my hotel key. No, this is not the credit card I booked with. Yes, looking at the ticket more closely, it does seem to be for yesterday's flight. No, I am not really fit to travel, but it's too late to worry about that. I'm here now.... well we will be soon as the guide book and map arrive - we are off to Cuba.

Travel Hints no. 2

Get free upgrades on your long haul flights, add Professor to your name by purchasing a £200 degree in drug abuse from The European City Of Opiates 2010 (formally known as Evertonia)

Just a small hurdle of Christmas, brothers, kids, nieces, vegetarian turkey and an overdraft to clear.... and a few jobs on the farm, better get busy!!!

Closing time on the farm

2011-11-23T19:07:00.007Z

We bid a fond farewell to Super Mario and Sabina, our favourite Italians - not only did they persuade me to go deep sea fishing with them, they cooked all the catch!!

Lecca's finest!! They sure know how to cook (and pose!) in Southern Italy...

Last of the summer whine... Sooty in full camouflage mode.

The rain finally arrived in early November and after the first couple of storms we took the tipi down and winterised Cheeky Chapati ready for a new floor and a revamp. The list of jobs is so long -new sofa lounge, one more wooden house, more paths, planting, clearing, repairing... need more volunteers!! We also took advantage of taking a week end course in Tagledt plastering (Moroccan marble dust) which is sooo difficult - a fantastic week end and big thanks to Joachim of Casadecor.com for a fantastic time, two great lunches and lots of friendly kindred spirits - Adobe course next!!

Had trouble concentrating on the task. ex Newcastle United striker Brian "Killer" Kilkine's wife working opposite me!!

Owl next to one of her latest wall hangings - all made of used plastic bottles to highlight the waste we generate on this tiny planet.

We went up to Evora last week end to celebrate daughter Rebeccas 18th birthday... where have all the years gone? She started university in what must be one of the prettiest cities in Portugal... just do not try and find a coffee after 8pm...

Owl and Becky at Restaurante Malagueira, a great Spanish tapa place, the only restaurante that was full!

Yours truly and Holly

End of season at Quinta Stuart and the return of the naked gardener / chef / builder....

James, aka "Jimbo" our last volunteer of the summer..typical nice Aussie, thrashed me at go karting. couldn't beat me at darts though...

A clueless cretin abroad..

2011-10-03T21:21:00.006+01:00

If you ever think governments actually have a clue how to run the country, rethink and consider the below...

Dafty Cameron advised yesterday for individuals to pay off their credit cards - sound advise but he may have forgotten that the whole world swings around on credit.... without credit or debit, there is no economy and the economy stifles. Anybody know why? Oh and not suprisingly he retracted the comment later on today. And then proposed more money to banks to lend (or to swallow themselves)

Obama has advised Europe to give the banks THREE TRILLION EUROS to solve the problem.. He obviously runs the whole world, not only the Uselss of A. When, dear friends did we actually have an economy that ran on the good old system, sell your products, spend the profit on your friends products and so on.... Nineteenth century aparently.

Meanwhile, down the farm, the credit crunch (or 3D, first to name the triple dip that follows..) plays a background role as fun and love gets in the way of bank and political theft!!

The Hug Deli at Manta Rota, Eastern Portugal, Invisible products at invisible prices.. the tour continues!!! Volunteers wanted!!

Used tyres, new shoes

Take a genuine Harley Davidson used back tyre, from the local dumpster

Use the old crocs as templates and cut out two new soles

Contact adhesive and glue together... another 2000 miles!!

The Triple Indian Summer still continues, my tan deepens and bar a broken projector, the hammocks at Quinta Stuart are still well occupied. A great bring and share curry night last week end signified the end of Quinta Stuart's summer season.

We will be adding another wooden house (Stuey's Shack) this winter and are planning more outreach and educational courses - watch this spot!!

Owl at the Lisbon Bike Run

We must remember that as long as we tread gently on this world, speak kindly, live carefully, love generously, care deeply we will all be okay. Stu and Owl x

The Full Monty!!

2011-08-15T14:31:00.005+01:00

In terms of multi media, captain fantastic hi tech super blogs. Nothing to do with red wine fuelled midnight naked conger dancing contests...
I wish. so many good looking friends staying here I am starting to look very ordinary. When I accidentally bought an OAP travel card last year in England and had it inspected five times with no complaints...

Sooty was most put out being used as a political weapon

Had a riot last week, laughed for days... that was actually a Les Dawson ( a dead comic). Sometimes in these really run down areas with 80% unemployment, a riot / looting / arson would be like a day out to the zoo for us guys. This is not being glib, but broken families, drug abuse, no chance of working, homeless, unqualified, godless... what chance for the take away generation?

Meanwhile (back) down on the farm...

The political arguments last well into the night, catch a quick snippet here!

http://www.tgifalgarve.com/listen_now/index1.html

Us being interviewed on Kiss FM with the famous Sabino!!

Will you all go home? How many mouths can we feed.... typical night at Quinta Stuart - come and see!

Our latest volunteer....... we find the younger they are the less they eat!!

Birdie and Kimbo, never their best at breakfast..

Too hot, you know where to find me, under the nearest stone, Stu x

Our Fragile Planet

2011-08-07T16:58:00.005+01:00

Whilst Little Britain riots and cancels football matches, this clever chap is stocking up for the hard times to come...

Whether a riot in London (imagine this happening whilst the Olympics are on!!) or a crashing stock exchange, I guess we are bit in the poo. Seriously.
I guess (again) that me or you could really close our eyes and go to work tomorrow and pretend all is ok, food on the shelves, water in our pipes.
But what happens if it is not? What if the trillion dollar bailout in the Useless of A is burnt through in what six months and there is no more rescue funds? I will leave you to ponder that.......... meanwhile, down on the farm, we have been busy.

Deciding to save a few euros, we are not using our irrigation to water the trees, only an occasional splash using our used shower water , the trees which are now 3 years old are not suffering and have given a good crop. This means our water bill is 50% less than last year.. and we have a lot more people staying.

Kimbo and Birdie have moved on after a month here. Kimbo has been working like a trojan, finishing the decking and fencing and tidying all the boundaries. Thanks guys and enjoy Croatia and Greece and eventually Australia. looking for an older female to stay for the rest of the summer. Free room and food in exchange for a few hours help cleaning and cooking six days a week??

Thanks to Jimbo and Birdie for the new decking, now the whole of Theatre of Dreams, Cheeky Chapati and Tikka Bar is all decked.. bare foot luxury!!

And thanks to Pura Vida for lending us Paul Palmer to teach us how to build steps in less than 4 days er hours!! (Cheers Paul!!)

Fig time is with us again. Not a good year for the green ones - our main four trees will only be good for drying figs but the neighbours black figs are great!!

With 36 celcius in the shade, we have cancelled the fortnightly movie night but we are showing the odd movie for our guests every three or four days - just wish those hammocks weren't so comfy...... some big bugger always falls asleep within half an hour of the film,, see you next month, Stu and Owl x

The Fastest Pizza

2011-07-17T08:53:00.012+01:00

They came from Madrid. They came from Valencia. They came to Quinta stuart to celebrate the first Pizza Night of the year.Actually they came to watch the 1970s band Iron Maiden redo a few sad hits and release a press shot of a few blokes in need of a haircut. Not being a heavy metal fan, I had to accept their comment of "mal, muito mal"... I leave it to any Thatcheresque fans to dispute their comment.

We have a new family, Los Espanhols!!

Expert plumber, Super Goygo, nice guy and comedian

Pizza for 11, cooked in our bread oven. Goygo is smiling so much as he has nearly 2 kilos of pizza on his plate!!

Despite my protests, they insisted on parking 4 motorbikes in the tipi!!

Thanks to Ana, Rolf, Goygo, Suzie and Maira for an interesting week end at Quinta Stuart. They were great fun and so many jokes and laughs .. come back guys!!

Kimbo and Birdie, our two Aussie friends are coming back later this week to helo out. We will be extending the decking around the Tikka Bar and up to the evil - stuart never wins - dartboard.

Sad Boy Stuey despite 24 hour practises cannot hit number one...

I actually won a new dartboard at Central Algarve (www.centralalgarve.com)s open day two week ends ago. Andy and an army of volunteers are rebuilding an old holiday resort to take seriously disabled children from England for often their first ever holiday. They are looking for skilled volunteers (electricians, plumbers, tilers and lots of keen people to cook, clean and help around).
Hiding in the shade at Quinta Stuart, man is it hot! Six am starts and plenty of pumps and irrigation to fix...

B+ FOR A G MOVIE

2011-06-19T09:53:00.004+01:00

Start of the Summer Season at Quinta Stuart

Thanks to the elleven guests who turned up for the first Green Movie Night of summer 2011. We watched "Who Killed The Electric Car", about the GM conspiracy of destroying the most successful electric car of its time. Praise for the film came from all, as well as the three tonnes of home made pop corn that all got eaten....... how can you guys eat so much?

Next film night is on Saturday July 2nd, 8.30pm for the screening at 9pm. We will be showing "Food Inc.", exposing the incredible evil of food production. A handful of farmers produce virtually all the worlds food.. dictated by our mega chains of supermarkets. I promise to make even more popcorn. A donation of 5 euros is appreciated and there are plenty of cold drinks

It's getting better! Stu's latest bread

It has been a busy week at Quinta Stuart, volunteer Anna and Owl have got the whole place sparkling and with Rick Swanley we installed an air conditioning unit in the Cosy Cabin. Not quite eco I know but solved the hot box problem.

We were lucky to be given a big load of decking and have finished a deck under the main dining area and a funky path to the existing deck. We still have loads left!!

We extended The Tikka Bar, this section is to be named The Lizard Lounge (Come and be a lounge lizard at the Lizard Lounge!) After the peach tree has fruited we will deck this area as well.

Thanks to Uncle Tommy for the two sofas - yet another place for Stuart to fall asleep. Seems to be a bad year for mosquitos and I am trialing a neat unit from Leroy Merlin that emits a signal - 7 euros and no silly blue tablets (no viagra pun intended). With the tipi up, all the rooms finished, the pizza oven fired up we are ready for summer - come and see!!

Charcoal for Beginners, Apricots for Experts

2011-05-19T16:52:00.006+01:00

Never a dull moment here on the farm, and when visitor Zimbo Rick (await your nickname all who enter here!!) offered to make us a charcoal kiln, we did not know how successful it would be.

The partly tamped wood releases its producer gas (the white smoke). Air traffic had to be diverted for three hours, man do these babies smoke!

As the smoke turns blue, we tamp all the air ducts and put rocks and soil on the lid, and wait twelve hours or so until it is 100% cool

Et voila, charcoal... our half an oil drum of wood yielded three full carrier bags of charcoal

Not just for BBQs, you can cook anything on it!

Using the rocket stove for another of Ricks impressive squid stews

Rocket stove at night, Stuart's delight

Given the amount of wood cooking systems, thought it was better to install five fire extinguisher points!!

Owl given a rare second off from playing with apricots to barmaid

One drawback with apricots is they tend to ripen all at the same time then have a very short shelf life

Dehydrating apricots for winter. They will freeze well for stewing and crumbles as well

NB Please note pictures of the opening party are on a previous blog, please click on the first entry for May in the right hand column

www.ecohostalalgarve.com

Opening party

2011-05-19T12:54:00.007+01:00

P A R T Y !!!!!!!!

Thanks to all 55 guests and friends who attended the summer opening of Quinta Stuart on May 7th. Thanks especially to Wilson Waitering Services for the two high speed staff and massive thanks to Howard of Strings and Things for the fantastic live music, Gloria, Michaela, Michelle, Mike and all those who brought some tapas along.

Musical chairs... grown up version

Emma and Jack, thanks guys xx

Master tapa chef Michelle and Sarah

Stu and Owl and The Swanleys

So the hard work is finished for this year at Quinta Stu. Next winters project will be to add an eco swimming pond and a big tree house as an office for me. We have just fitted five big fire extinguishers around the property and with the help of Zimbo Rick now produce our own charcoal and have the new rocket stove up and running.

So we now have 1 tipi, 2 Goan style co co huts, The Owl House and the Cosy Cabin,1 movie theatre, 1 sofa lounge, 7 hammocks, 1 chill out zone and most importantly 1 honesty bar. If you need to escape from reality, we do week end specials starting at 75 euros for couples for three nights. Got the builders in... come and stay here.... Not so welcome friends, not enough space - send them here. Want to make some charcoal or bake some bread - come and stay!! Want to host a party, run a course or hide,come to our movie nights, want a pizza party and sleepover for your kids,speak to us or visit our web site at www.ecohostalalgarve.com

Quinta Stuart - Eco Hostel Algarve

Three Concerts, Two Hangovers and one Stuart's Summer

2011-04-19T07:32:00.007+01:00

I don't know if anybody has coined a phrase for the couple of weeks of great weather we get late March / early April before it sinks back to wet and rain again. Well if no one has, then it is know officially "Stuart's Summer", so there.
We took good advantage during this years Stuart's Summer to see three music events. A fantastic evening of contemporary danceby Faro drama students was held in Sao Bras cinema - a very professional display for the grand sum of 4 euros entry fee!
The following week end, we took off to the back of Silves for a late night of music at O Gradys 12 Bar Blues - sitting outside until 3 in the morning. Free

Great performance from JigglyWiggly - think Rocky Horror meets Burlesque

Last week end we took the van up to Portalegre to go to Freekuency, a three day free music festival organised by a few Brits. I am too old to understand that having so many facial piercings that you could be plucked up by an industrial magnet is attractive or that to enjoy the deep bass music you need to be off your head on something far stronger than annadin.

Despite his best attempts, this joker still couldn't light his cigarette

Stunnning totty though...when I eventually figured out which walking sowing boxes were girls and not boys wearing skirts. With no facilities other than two open cess pits, a nights camping in Tripoli during the bombing would have been quieter. Free, but at a cost...

10am Day 2 and only the living dead remain dancing

We left and stayed a night at Mertola, my first trip there for 20 years and well worth a visit, all tastefully renovated, the river is so beautiful there. Good job we didn,t camp there on December 6th 1875, were a flash flood raised the river level by over 40 metres, killing over half the local population!

Well worth a day out, Mertola

We got back in time for the Passion Sunday service but guess I was still in party mood as I swear there was a donkey in church sitting in front of me...

Pedro listening to Father Bob

Zeberdee time!!

2011-03-22T17:14:00.005Z

The suns out and there is a whiff of spring in the air

Working hard at Quinta Stuart, we have finished Casa Kiki, the eight berth dormitory which we are only going to furnish with four beds this season. The tipi has a marble floor, Cosy Cabin has new beds (and no woodburner which gives more space), Villa Ganeesha has weathered the winter well and we have fixed all the shade net over the Owl House. Lots still to do and now only five weeks until we open for the season.

A touch of Bali perhaps? Look forward to another shady terrace for the summer

Thanks to Ben for the super cool airstream roof. We will be building models of these for Outreach and The Project.

Inside Casa Kiki, set up for a honeymoon, but also can be used as an 8 bed dorm. or a classroom or yoga studio.

Time now to tidy the whole site and rebuild irrigation. As a lot of the fruit trees are now three years old, we are going to remove the individual points and just leave irrigation to the younger trees and raised beds and even then as little as possible.
We have to water save and mulching the trees, adding shade and removing poor trees seems the way - whilst most trees have rocketed, a few miserable ones deserve to be removed or replanted.

Martins Zub zub - our Polish volunteer removed the washing board and filled it with our own compost. The seedlings are a mix of wild flowers and Basil.

This years Apricot crop is going to be good!

So with plenty of volunteers, lots of enthusiasm, lots of friends, her's to a great summer! Keep watching, Stu and Owl x

Enter the Polish Trojan

2011-03-12T23:16:00.004Z

Thought it might be tough to beat Ben the roofer and Sam the - magic - chef, but might have just pipped them with Martin "The Machine" Krolsky!!
Not a man who believes in coincidences, three people this week have described Quinta Stuart as a bit of a hippy retreat... great, it is our hazy lazy laid back low carbon shady snoozy woozy cheap clean economic eco hostal. With prices from 10 euros per person per night, come see at

www.ecohostalalgarve.com

Martin The Machine, constructing a thermal batch heater. After two days chain sawing, moving tonnes of compost and making drylene, this was his day off job!!

Not having the cash for a deck, we decided to raid the recycle bin for some marble. The sand came from a friends over order... still a few sacks of high energy cement though... Change from 100 euros and so cool!!

Starting to clad the insulation layer on Casa Kiki, getting a bit distracted with abstract bottle windows (photos to follow!)

It never rains around here, it just keeps pouring... 355 mms so far at Quinta Stuart this year. This was the day after The Poland Trojan left.. spent all day cooking with Jamesons...

So now back on our own, but awaiting an Irish couple in a vintage VW van. Great to see Paul, Robin, Ole, Ben and Sam at Pura Vida near Odeixe, west coast. We are going to catch up them at the free festival , central Portugal 15th April... check out www.freekuencyfestival.com for directions and line up.
Oh yes... need to promote my website and bookings for all our shelters - any ideas readers?

Life on the farm

2011-02-26T08:45:00.008Z

Full steam ahead!!

Now the volunteer season has started, we have notched up a gear and hope to finish the eight person dorm within the next month.

Sam and Ben, modern day superheroes posing as volunteers. Ben is a specialist roofer who just happened to arrive as Casa kiki needed a beautiful roof. Sam is responsible for the most fantastic vegetarian food on the planet. Sadly moving on to Robins at Aljezur tomorrow!! Thanks a million guys xxx

Sam and Stuart's sourdough loaves... wow!!!!

Casa Kiki, stepfour. Main trusses on, looking good

Casa Kiki, step five, roof on - think Airstream but sexier!!

Step six, supports for the cladding and the electrics, getting there now!!

So it is progressing really well, might take a break after this project is complete. Until volunteer number three arrived..... Martin, the Polish Machine!! See next blog..

The New Human Race

2011-02-08T19:33:00.006Z

Speed Capitalist

If there is time to reflect, speed becomes imperative. Internet connections or six speed gearboxes, we have to get there quickly. If I'm caught in traffic or stuck in a supermarket queue, I'm snapply, tense, gnarled. I whistle through gritted teeth. I'm addicted to a way of life. Like all addictions, the longer it goes on, the worse it gets. The joys are intermittent, the sorrow always increasing. I'm spending too much money and worker harder and longer hours to keep up so we can travel further and faster and beat the neighbours.
Wrong. And it's not me, but it was. The new WWW... world wide wrecession is giving me a bit more thinking time - think Portuguese, slower, more thinking time, more time for foraging. Whilst an unemployed pal of mine asked me to organise a ton of firewood, I have been pruning my absent landlords non blossoming Almonds and ended up with four tonnes of wood for next winter.
We need three things to survive. Box wine, water and heat. Not necessarily in that order.

Best Almond blossom for years - Owl's new tattoo!!

We have been working hard at Quinta Stuart, now firmly heading for our opening on May 1st. Singing Jacks is now finished, two compost toilets, two bathrooms and the HqO (Headquarters Owl) are now finished and we have started on Casa Paco, the eight berth Goan style dorm.

Singing Jacks, the eco toilet and shower block

Step two on Casa Paco, main supports for the floor

Step three, 1220 screws used to fix the floor boards

We used a mop and all the old tins of Cuprinol mixed in a big bucket to stain the floor in under half an hour!!

I have been out this morning and sourced enough second hand poles for the roof, and we have Sam and Ben arriving this week end to help us finish this and possibly start a small swimming pond. Bring it on!

Triple Dip

2011-01-25T21:32:00.005Z

It's really a no brainer...

Regardless of government spiel, it is not a douple dip, an economic roller coaster or some Irish guys fault for building 600,000 houses too many (yes that's right, an extra house for every seventh person in Ireland.....). We are on a flat line of zero growth, zero investment, zero interest rates on savings, hidden inflation rates and new uber taxes and secret tax police (remember them from the seventies?).

Time to shine fellow humans! Time to ignore Saddam Bin Borat Obama - whilst he announces cuts to recoup their trillion dollar defeceit, remember the esteemed Americans are well into their third trillion in Iraq and Afganistan. No war no problem eh? Cheap finance, loads a money!!!

Whilst trashing the Americans, here is a good one. General Motors have announced that they will be producing the first commercial hydrogen cell powered car. Whoopee, hurah, take the day off. Take the day off and buy / download "Who killed the electric car". Any guesses? Phone a friend? The same company who ganged up with Firestone and bought up suburban rail lines to ensure you needed to buy a car?
Good old General Motors of course..

Foraging for mushrooms, wood and green compost

Villa Ganeesha, weathering the winter rains

Sooty, in winter shaggy pose

This January's almond blossom was the best for years

So lots of hard work at Quinta Stuart, Singing Jacks, the new shower block is finally finished, our new website (www.ecohostalalgarve.com) launched and a few volunteers about to arrive to get everything ready for our opening on May 1st - come and see!!

The Green Movie Season starts Saturday 4th June 2011 with the licensed screening of "Who killed the electric car" at 8pm. Relax in a Goan hammock or comfy chair in the Theatre of Dreams. Tickets are 5 euros each limited to 20 guests including a free drink. There is an honesty bar and free nibbles. Pre booking only via e mail stuartmerelie@gmail.com Check our website (www.ecohostalalgarve.com) for our full list of The Green Movie Season films and dates.

Swimming in Paradise...

2011-01-08T16:39:00.006Z

New Year, same rain...

After 102mms of rain in November and 187mms in December, I think we've had enough... this time last year we were headed to Goa, this year we are staying here to get the hostal open!! We took the camper on a quick trip to Seville, Cordoba, Ourique and Silves to celebrate New Year and are now dodging showers to finish off Singin Jacks and the HqO.

Sunrise sunrise over Quinta Stuart

The HqO... Headquarters Owl, our new office at the front of Singin Jacks, our new eco loo and shower area.

Bagged this bugger spilling my drink in Seville

The overflow at Sta Clara dam... about 20cms to go!!

Villa Sheeva, step one. This will be an eight person dormitory. Used greenhouse poles sponsored by www.tipialgarve.com

New swimming pond at Quinta Stuart.... I wish!! This is a fabulous eco pool near Sta Barbara de Nexe - we will be creating something like this later this year.

From Barter to Bath

2010-12-09T19:42:00.006Z

Not so far in a dictionary...

There's nothing like a wet week and a determination to get a few things done. Nearly 70mms of rain Monday to Thursday was enough to see off most landscapers but not moi. Nao n'este pas. Niete. Never. The James Bond of Landscaping will not be stopped, even by the evil rainman. Business is slow so don't get even - get inventive. I invented the green suited BARTER BOY.

Stuffed into aforesaid tight green suit, a mornings mini digging was swapped for a really big hobby table now set up in the Cheeky Chapati Cafe

Thanks E. Nice big table to hold court!!

Still with time spare in between showers on Monday afternoon, 12 free range eggs were traded for half an hours welding on the air vent of our nearly complete bread oven, bring it on!!

Tricky little job.. thanks Rick. Rick is one of those rare cookies who will weld even the smallest broken hinges or right up to a complete house full of window bars or ornate archways... ring him on 968636421. May cost more than a few eggs though..

Still not satisfied, and with my blood ceasing to circulate in my lime lycra layer (shrinks in the rain, all superheroes have there nemesis) I moved two lorry loads of tree trunks in exchange for a cooker.

Yes it's a cooker...... what did you want? A picture of Barter Boy?

Barter Boy is now retired - until the next rain...maybe
Now that I have three old baths, the second one was planted up with strawberries in my green house and the last one is being used as an experiment in capillary gardening.

A short tube with elbow is glued into the plug hole. The bottom of the bath is then filled with gravel to 5cms above this tube

The water will then stay in the bath and naturally evaporate back up watering the vegetables again. Any excess water will run through the tube attached to the plug hole avoiding stagnation.

A hundred onions later.

Now has anybody an old bath? You might be able to persuade Barter Boy to slide into his emerald zoot suit one more time...

Ice is nice at half the price

2010-11-30T16:20:00.010Z

England freezes as Portugal swims

Apparently these cold days are due to Artic winds sweeping down through England and across the continent and landing on jolly good Portugal. You realise that in the pre EEC days the winds would have stopped in France, and us Iberians could have still had our three hour lunch hour outside. Thanks France. Due to their 28 hour working week, the streets and roads are all empty allowing this dubious "mistral" to accelerate through cold potato soup land into our neck of the woods...

Almost as annoying was Englands bid to host the world cup. Thanks to Panorama and the feckless thick spoilt twit of the offspring of the jug eared aldulteress twerp, it was bloody odds on we would not host the world cup. Thought it would be pretty obvious a few kilos of beluga, a couple of mink coats and a - natasha - a week - for - life is slightly preferable to tea and cucumber sarnies... To William, Becks and Grabby Lingerer and the entire team of Pornorama, thanks, your fired...

Merci beaucoups.... first frost ever in November

Not that it has stopped us from working. Au contrar mons sweets.Dodging rain showers, I am determined to finish the tribrid cooking station. it has been nearly a year since it was delivered so rain or shine I have been progressing.

After building the sides up, I added an entire bundle of rock wool to the roof to increase insulation

Then I constructed the two apexes and cast a layer of steel covered with a mixture of permalite sand and cement for yet more thermal mass and insulation.

To the side of the main bread oven, I raised the back wall to protect the BBQ and rocket stove section.

Forming the combustion chamber for the rocket stove

The whole unit when finished will do the following:-

Well insulated bread oven. The oven already works but due to some ham fisted bee dropping the oven when it was delivered (ok... it was me..) the cracks reduced the effect of thermal mass, keeping the oven warm for hours down by 75%, increasing the thermal mass using rocks, cement, fibreglass, gravel then perlite will keep ot hot for hours!!
Spanish BBQ next to the bread oven. A very simple system of a deep bed of crushed glass topped with sharp sea sand. Using wood burning on the sand and bamboo skewers, it is an easy way to cook.
At the far right is a rocket stove. Wood is burnt in a lower combustion chamber and the verturi effect (sounds like a jet engine), produces an enormous amount of heat to boil large quantities of water for washing up or boiling potatoes.

What our solar cookers can do during the day, the tribrid will do at night!

Marking out Villa Sheeva, an eight person Goan style hut, our next project

Six weeks after planting the seedlings, courgettes and nabos are ready

STOP PRESS...Please check out our new web site at

www.ecohostalalgarve.com

It isn't over until the fat lady swings!

2010-11-22T19:12:00.006Z

Winter rains, Newcastle versus Portalagre

Last of the banana vine

We lit our first fire on November 9th, two days later than last year. Sitting an hour later, sweating in my ex war (first wife) M and S dressing gown, life is good. Tough but good. Business is way down, the Algarve is no longer a playground littered by beaches but as the circle of life slowly ticks around, it is a backdrop of political graffitti, threats of strikes, increased taxes, more fines and higher bills.

High tech capillary bed, not just a bath tub..

So why is it so good I can hear you thinking? Olives, firewood, rabbits, water, herbs, weeds for the chickens............. Foraging has never been so good! We have picked so many abandoned Olive trees that the local lagar (Olive press) gave us nearly 50 litres of good quality Olive oil. We have installed second hand water tanks on every small roof and they are used to water the new green house - our courgettes are ready after only four weeks after planting as seedlings. Leaving onions and lettuce amongst other plants to go to seed (mocked by Antonio my lorry man!) means wild salad free of charge. Our local paths were so overgrown we have pruned them back and kept all the wood with a pat on the back from our local postman (I was going to say a pat from postman Pat but knew better..)
Unless you carefully push boundaries, pay bribes (our fresh eggs) and open your heart and patience and have more time (slow business) you never know.

Merelie The Landscapers Native Tree stall at The MGS Fair

All our trees are 1 euro each, we still have a few left!!

And I got to see my lovely Newcastle United play. A quick week end to England to wish my eldest brother his 60th birthday wishes. I think he got left in the bar outside
the ground. A strange coincidence was the ladies were wearing mini skirts and high heels - only minus 1 outside.

Happy 60th Angus!!

A little warmer this week end, I took Holly up to see Rebecca for her 17th birthday up Portalegre. Thanks to Sue who let me use her car, meaning we could actually go there and back in the same week end! Oddly it was as cold as Newcastle but elleven times cheaper, bonny lad.. Oh yes and I watched Stricknine come boring and yuck factor. I think I won, I turned the TV off.

Dodging wet weather we are still progressing slowly at Quinta Stuart, working on the bread oven, planting more trees (Pines in the hedgerow to get more noise absorbtion from the motorway), planting more bulbs, and sowing favas and peas.

I am determined to finish the bread oven project soon!! Yet another use for marble left at my local supermarket (local bins.)

A bale of rock wool and sixteen buckets of gravel are used to insulate the original top of the bread oven. adding insulation and thermal mass will keep the oven hotter for longer (and hide the cracks where Muggins dropped it off his excavator...)

Woody hits 550 for 3

2010-10-28T18:55:00.004+01:00

A sceptic silenced

Born in 1951, in Sheffield, left in a field in Silves for the last two years, filled accidentally with sand, soaked in acid, Woody has had a hard life. Woody is a Rayburn that was brought over from England and used for a winter then left outside.
Owl bewailed that I actually handed over money for it. Two weeks taking sand out of it (someone accidentally tipped 4 cubic metres over it), removing the plates and dipping them into acid, scrubbing the outside, it was time to fire it up.
Spluttering into life with smoke everywhere, Owl left with a frown and a shake of her head.

My secretarial team enjoying the new office heating

Two hours later and three small logs, the oven gauge was moving quickly. Up and up to 550 f. (old English speak for nearly 400 celcius!!). All the cast iron bonded together to stop any leaks and yours truly sat in front with a smile.

Three loaves and bean burgers later, the royal sceptic apologised!!

Busy Bees

2010-10-13T19:48:00.003+01:00

Lighting the Match

The real meaning of climate change is that Mother Nature is ready to rid the world of carbon burning humans and we must defend ourselves with smart weapons, harmless tools. This means amongst other things embracing genetically modified foods and even nuclear power.

With seven billion people on this world, are we are now the monoculture? Growing one mass crop in the same place eventually fails - take the Irish potato famine or increasingly virelent orange tree diseases as examples. Imagine this if it crosses over to our increasing cattle class population. Like the dieing palm trees in the Algarve, will humans have to walk around with a permanent anti biotic drip attached to our arms?

But heck, cheer up. As usual Stuart has the solution. Breath deeply, walk lightly, speak kindly and love deeply, oh yes and build a green house.

Last week a shade area, this week the front bows of Noah's Ark

Filled with tomatoes, onions, lettuce, beetroot, nabo, we are ready for our journey through winter and the worst economic depression this century.

Another part of our Ark. Two new compost loos, more rainfall catchment and a look out point for the western boundaries. Thanks to Joe and Nattai for lots of hard work.

JNs new garden and shade area. A carbon neutral landscape

And lighting the match? Fusion power, generating power by fusing atoms together, rather than splitting them, would be totally green, cheap and infinite, if it worked. America is ready to test the first model. This is called laser confinement fusion. If they get ignition by firing a laser at a fuel pellet, then the surface of the pellet will be blown off sending a shockwave inwards that will fuse its atoms and emit a pulse of energy.
We may be a monoculture, but a darm smart one.

Winter arrives

2010-10-02T20:05:00.010+01:00

Finally we have to escape from the tipi as the nights sink to 15 degrees. Warm days and windy nights, shorter days and spicier food, firewood to stack and thick hearty soups and stews to make........ agghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Roll on summer but roll off heat, sleepless nights and moon bathing.

Preparing for the annual burning of the tipi

Wild guns. Two new helpers, Joe and Nattai are racing ahead with the new two compost heap three solar shower bird gallery

Not a quick job, but the back wall we will use as a competition zone

Big News From Little City

2010-09-29T22:27:00.005+01:00

Big Hearts, great food and ten days of permaculture learning at Varzea de Goncales

Thanks thanks thanks to Kris, Chris, Brendon and Gaynor as patient hosts and Lesley Martin who taught the 72 hour Permaculture Design Course there.
Owl returned refreshed, informed and bouncing on the spot. It really is a fantastic location, a couple of kilometres east of Aljezur. Anyone is welcome to visit - this week they have 26 school kids using the top cottage to study as the local school is being repainted (sadly with toxic paint.. which can take up to 5 years to become neutral!!)

Chris and daughter Megan, a humble man with passion for life!

Raised swale beds awash with vegetables

The Usual suspects. As the course went on, the students bonded and dyed all their clothes the same colour (or maybe my camera batteries....)

They have an amazing array of workshop weekends - please visit their website at icanfeedmyself.com for their diary. Good honest simple people, I am jealous!!

Whistling at wasps

2010-09-04T10:57:00.008+01:00

A Summer Sauna

High temperatures and high humidity, in other words a typical August. Dragging my heels, head down, teeth clenched... and that's just walking to the fridge to get a beer. A pigeon hurls two feet over my head propelled with lead... bloody hunters. Two flocks of pigeons continue to fly round and round in circles. Sport no, cowardless pig headed slaughter yes.

The tipi is the coolest room at night...... get one!!

Work in progress. This is going to be three solar showers and three compost loos

The Cheeky Chapati Cafe, finished!!

New extended dining area in front of the C.C. Cafe

Kitchen started in the C.C.C. All the marble was found in various gardens!

Owl is heading off next week to do a Permaculture Design Course at the fabulous retreat of Chris and Kris near Aljuzer (see www.icanfeedmyself.com) The ten day course is being led by Lesley Martin (Hi Lesley, promise to share a Medronho with you) and starts on the 10th September. There are still two spare places for anyone to grab?

Ah yes! Latest tip, whistling gets rid of wasps (sometimes..)

Can fish smile?

2010-08-15T17:30:00.000+01:00

17kgs of pumpkin. There is a reason for my nakedness. Nice prize for anyone who can guess!!

Finally home from a 7100 km Odyssey.

Funny sometimes that it takes sitting on the motorway for a few days until your mind can wonder to the more important things in life.
Rolling through Southern Spain, you can not avoid looking at the rubbish on both sides of the road. Bottles, bags, plastic, paper.. they really must assume it all comes free and disappears the same way. Dirty dirty buggers. Slovenia, Switzerland, Austria, germany - not a grain of litter. Italy a little, France a little, then hit Spain; you may as well save a years worth then release it bit by bit every 50 metres , especially when you are 20 feet from the beach.
In "Five Acres and Independence" (M G Cains, published by Dover), published in 1940 comments " The average smallholder has no need of a rubbish bin since he produces no waste."
Crumbs. Guilty as charged. So what do I do?

1. Food waste.

Any waste, which is little (ever read about the English that throw away 30% of their food?? Hang 'em!!) Anything we do not eat goes for tomorrows lunch, chickens or compost. Zero waste

2. Paper waste.

All our waste paper goes into the bread oven, but unless we cook bread a little more regularly, it really just goes up in smoke and leaves a big pile of ash... could do better. Ironically, any plastic that burns without a coloured gas is safe to burn as well, Owl's brother Hugh told me which ones were which but I had a little drink about a while ago and need to re check which is whicch.. watch this space!

3. Glass waste.

Up to now, we have managed to fill and smash our (sometime to be finished) BBQ / Bread oven / Rocket stove station. We have to do another glass smash then it is full. Then I intend to collect the bottles to make a Moroccan sauna (Hamman) but it is a worry, a perpetual stream of non returnable bottles - any ideas anyone? I can take used wine bottles and buy dodgy red draught wine, Holly makes lemonade but every beer, decent white wine etc creates a stockpile of glass..

4. Plastic waste.

Now we have installed a three stage water filter (Leroy Merlin) we refill any plastic water bottles and more importantly don't buy any new ones. But every bin within 100 miles of here is overflowing with plastic bags and bottles. Recycling is ok but we need to stop the initial phase of packing and bottling. I can buy all my vegetables at Sao Bras market on a saturday morning without a trace of plastic but followed by a trip to Lidl, the car is awash with oil based products.

I will improve, I will reduce my footprint. Buy loose beans and soak them rather than the endless tins. Do not wash tins or plastic for recycling.. water is our prime source, save it. Look at every product you buy and imagine how you can replace it when there is no oil, no transport, no packaging. All I have to do now is figure out how to repay 7000kms of carbon emissions from our recent travels.
About time I got back to work,

Stu and Owl xx

the Oldest Inbetweener

2010-08-09T16:19:00.000+01:00

Somewhere in Southern Spain

Sunrise on the East coast of Spain

I don't know if any of my readers have ever watched "The Inbetweeners" - a sitcom consisting of cringingly embarrassing 15year old school boys trying to get a girlfriend.One of them wears a tie and specs and spectacularly can't stop putting his foot in it whilst chatting up girls. That's me, except it never ended at 15 and is continuing into my 50s... A complete inabiltiy to link brain to mouth at those vital morning.
One of those moments was this morning. A police woman was trying to explain that we - could - not - park - or - camp on the beach, even though i had passed out under the stars the previous night after a typical Spanish dinner of Biryani and Beer.
"I love you" I mouthed. "Move sherbert brains" she answered. I took this as a come on and tried to kiss her just as she tazered me with my own Sunday Times.
I moved on, what is 500 metre compared to the 6100 kms we have driven so far this holiday. we have so far driven to Spain, France,Italy, Slovenia, Austria, Switzerland, France and we are now back in Spain, in Mojocar just above Almeria. Old Smokey, the camper is going well, not using water but still smoking in the morning especially over angry but attractive Angie Dickinsons..
Lots of countries in lots of days, here's the view from the top;;

1. Slovenia

Beautiful, clean, scenic, cheap -and that's just the women!! Well worth a visit

2. Spain

Good old Spain, you drive 6000kms just to discover its tanned topless beauty with great beer

3. France

Great scenery, spent more on tolls than diesel (or women). Expensive but so picturesque.

Hire boat proved too weak to handle The Merelie Family Summer Tour

4. Austria

Great drivers, tall ugly athletic women. Innsbruk was fantastic. Whole place is full of tunnels. No tolls!!!

5. Switzerland

Now officially renamed rip-off-aland. Don't visit ever ever ever. Pretty though

6. Italy

See above but 20% cheaper. Lake Garda and Sirmione were nice

And there you go, saved you 6000km. Slovenia was so nice so I will return and take in Hungry and Croatia at the same time
We are back in a few days
Only one boat was destroyed in the making of this blog
All references to women except for Angie Dickinson are fictional

Sausage of the week

2010-07-19T15:51:00.000+01:00

Thanks to all of you who turned up to the open sexuality afternoon last week. a good time was had by all and by the end of the day some of us were walking around like John Wayne. Okay okay only kidding, this isn't some German eco village north of here, but it got your attention.

When I was 30, I bought brogues, scatter cushions and knew the sizes of all our beds so I could shop with confidence at Ikea. At 40 I bought a Mercedes convertable and knew the lingerie sizes of 4 beautiful ladies. By the time I reached 50, I lost half my wealth to the DVD Club (Divorced, vicious and dangerous), the other half to a lacklustre stockmarket and gave my suits to Oxfam.

But I digress (too much). The Owl House shade and kitchen is now finished and that completes a good year of progress at Quinta Stuart.

leiberwurst
Finished are :-

Theatre of Dreams with seven hammocks and outside movie screen
Cheeky Chapati Cafe, three season lounge with chillout zone
Villa Ganeesha, our first Goan style coco hut
Owl House, shade and outside kitchen and course area

To finish:-

Cladding of bread oven, rocket stove and BBQ
Full kitchen in Cheeky Chapati Cafe
New triple compost loo and solar shower block

To follow:-

Villa Sheeva, six person coco hut
Villa Gemini, twin two bed coco huts with a centre lounge

We have 4 volunteers coming for September / October so hopefully we can comlete one or two more projects before the rain starts. For us, we are off to Slovenia with Old Smokey, the camper..... only 3100 kms each way!!

50 and counting....... Stu's getting old!!

2010-06-25T20:34:00.000+01:00

VIVA PUNTA MORAL

Thanks to all my friends, enemies, Slovenia, Algeria and the USA for all my birthday messages. Unfortunately I have not got time to replace Rooney in South Africa, no hair dye avaliable.

Had a wonderful day shopping in Ayamonte and lunching at Casa Simoe on the coast at Punta Moral below Ayamonte.

Villa Ganeesha Now Open

2010-06-03T17:06:00.000+01:00

NEW HOTEL ROOM AT QUINTA STUART!!

Apologies for the lack of text in the last blog. Good old Linux (or rather Uncle Ubuntu) likes to show my blog in html as I am typing it - including the pictures which makes editing it all rather tricky (HTML stands for "Leave it to the anoraks, I'm off to the pub"). As work is quiet I have taken two weeks off and finished Villa Ganeesha, the first of our Eco co co huts, a simple pole and bamboo net construction. Ganeesha (named after the Hindu Elephant God) is 1,5 metres above the ground, a small 3m by 3m bedroom with a covered terrace at the front.

Villa Ganeesha in its various stages of construction. The tongue and griive walls took ages, whereas the roof took a morning..... Sheets from Goa and rugs from the Atlas mountains give it a really relaxed feel. A small fan moves the air and a few meditation cds make it a lovely place to stay - please drop in and try it. We will start the next version in September.

ABUNDANCE IN PARADISE

A couple of friends called in, and described Quinta Stuart as "Paradise" Sometimes I can be blinkered when working and watering the land every day. Only by taking photos and putting them on my blog, can I see the progress. Trees are laden, courgettes, onions, nabos, green beans and beetroots, tomatoes ripening, bananas hanging laden, apricots and peaches ripening, it all is growing. Water is still a pain, we have already used a third of the water tank (my fault, left an irrigation system on all day....) and have started to buy in water already.Not too permaculture based but we will cover this summers water bills with the few weeks we have booked in the Owl House.

We will concentrate from next January re renting out our various rooms, but in case you are curious, it is basically the following:-

THE OWL HOUSE

Lovely wooden chalet with en suite bathroom and sun terrace with simple outdoor kitchen (fridge, gas cooker, work top - this will be improved over this winter)
A simple calm place to stay, ideal for a couple. A comfy double bed and just installed air conditioning. From 210 euros per week

INDIAN TIPI

A 5,5m genuine Indian Tipi. Inside is a double bed and simple lighting. You may have to prise Stuart out of there!! As the sun sets, the warm air flows under the tipi sides and accelerates out of the smoke flap at the top. In the morning, the early light illuminates the canvas to give the perfect dawn. From 150 euros per week.

VILLA GANEESHA

Our brand new Goa style co co hut. Sits 1,5m above the ground with a narrow shaded terrace and a bamboo walled bedroom with bright Goan coloured sheets line the walls. This is a good eco option as it has a high quality compost loo nearby and an indoor shower room and small kitchen. It is next to The Cheeky Chapati Cafe - a shaded lounge and outdoor kitchen and also close to The Theatre of Dreams, a shaded chill out zone with seven hammocks and outdoor movie screen!! From 140 euros per week

BECKYS HUT

A small chalet with two single beds, again close to the compost loo, shower and shaded areas. From 120 euros per week

Prices are for two people sharing - we keep the prices cheap and can do favorable deals for sinlge people. We expect a small donation on top of these prices for water, and give a small discount if you bring your own bedding. We have washing machine, wifi unlimited internet and like to organise courses and special days / movie nights / airport pick ups. Try and find something of the same quality with an eco theme cheaper!!

I was trying to add more photos but Uncle Ubuntu won't play!! Please feel free to call in for a herbal tea (often Sagres flavoured).
Take care, Stu and Owl xx

Pre Election Special

2010-05-02T10:27:00.000+01:00

Nick Griffin now clear favorite to rule the UK Dictatorate

It was obvious that Gordon missed the boat in Rochdale. A bigot is a deep fried pizza in that neck of the woods, but to "uber" insult Mrs Jenny by calling her "that women" is unforgivable, akin to calling her a whore, a husband robber, an alcoholic and even dare I say it... a person from Yorkshire.

Kate and Rich moved on to Robin's eco centre near Aljezur (google pura vida for the link) and we now have Greg (Gandi) and Izabella (Easy) working hard here. The good weather has finally arrived and the building work is really coming on.

New seating in the Cheeky Chapati cafe - all done by Kate and Rich

The Theatre of Dreams now complete with seven hammocks

Lionel, Jordon and Billy Depp

2010-03-25T19:11:00.000Z

Famous Celebrities help out at Quinta Stuart

Owl lecturing in Alaska last month

Shot from the opening night at the Theatre of Dreams

New roof on the Buddha Bar

The Theatre of Dreams

Chicken City

Famous celebrities build incredible structures at Quinta Stuart!!

Two weeks of good weather, two Aussies and Johnny Depps younger brother have moved Quinta Stuart on a mile. As I write rain has just started again... The theatre of Dreams now has a straw roof, six hammocks and (gasp viewers) lights and power. Saturday saw this years premeire of The Green Outdoor Movie Enterprise, the outdoor cinema under the theatre of dreams. Eco films, Flight of the Concords and great food made a fabulous night.

We now have a new chicken house and on Sunday adopted four point of lay Rhode Island Reds... named Tikka, Tandoori, Supreme and Percy. Still awaiting the first egg!!

We have doubled the size of the Buddha bar, the roof is on and Lionel, Jordon and Billy are rapidly gaining speed and experience in brick laying to create the Lounge Lizard Sofa (an enormous c shaped chilli out seating area. All the garden has been cleaned, lots of seedlings added around the fruit trees and we watch daily new buds on the trees, seeds sprouting from last years vegetables and lots more!!

Trust me, join workaway.info as a host and have lots of fun!!!

Dreams, Buddhas and a wet tipi

2010-03-06T21:28:00.000Z

Monchique in the rain.

Gene Kelly would have packed his bags and left if he had ventured a winter break in the Algarve. 300 plus days of fun filled sun, sangria and sex... where??? A day out with Uber Woofers, Katie and Rich, a flu filled Owl up to Tipi Algarve suffered the normal soaking whilst trying to help Calvin move his biggest tipi. We did it, helped by Jason and Kay of conciousearth.com, from nearby Silves, a guy with funny hair called Dave and a woofer called Christian, the Alexander McQueen of Austrian clothes (sadly no liderhosen..)

Tea in the rain tastes good. Red wine even better, cyanide probably best, although stayed away from it so I could write this blog (what I do for you readers!)
We did it and his 9m tipi now sits outside his bar, we sat in their house and polished off his wine, beer,food, and sated, somewhat drier waddled home.

Inbetween gaps of rain, we have finished the revamp of the theatre of dreams, got the poles up for the Buddha bar extension and weeded most of the garden. It is starting to look nice, and with the launch of the Green Outdoor Movie Enterprise in May featuring eco movies shown in the new Theatre of Dreams, plans are moving forward.

Comfortable shoes

2010-02-12T19:25:00.000Z

Guess who's back...

Crumbs, if I realised how much it rains here I would have stayed in Goa.
Actually, my old chinas, 'tis a lie....

a) We were in England for a week
b) So cold, why do people live there?
c) Good beer, magnificent totty, so expensive

Our giant of a water tank is full. In fact I have had to take serial baths and open a garden tap to lower the level as it started running down the electrics to the pump. Given that it was a quarter full and it is based on three years average rainfall, you can guess how much rain we have had. Shedloads, bloody shedloads. Enough thank you, I need to earn a few shillings now thank you.
Those unfortunate to have bought the "BordD'Agua 2010" (kind of a weather alamac and it is me and Calvin (Tipi Algarve, must call in...... the short cut goes through a river in summer!!) will be already depressed. For the rest of you sun seeking mortals, I give you the quarter moon predictions as follows AND sorry sorry sorry in advance, remember Noah's real claim to fame was he invented wine. Here goes :-

14 Feb (New moon) Cloudy Weather
22 Feb (waxing quarter) Gloomy Weather
28 Feb (Full moon) Cold Weather
7 March (waning quarter) Unstable weather
15 March (New moon) Cloudy and wet weather
23 March (waxing moon) Unstable weather
30 March (Full moon) Unstable weather
6 April ((waning moon) Unstable weather
14 April (New moon) Unstable weather
21 April (waxing moon) wait for it wait for it.....sun!!! Oh yes so much sun you can can it (clever huh?) and send it to bolly old England
22nd April (hangover) on the beach tanning, water skiing, scrape the rust off the BBQ, fall asleep in the sun
23rd April (hangover) Complain its too hot and retreat into dark bar
24th April (hat trick of hang overs..) Starts raining again
25th April (holiday) Stand in the rain with neck back mouth open laughing manically
26th april (in straight jacket) Try and persuade nice policeman you are award winning blog author...

See you in May, now where's good for a bit of sun at this time of the year....
Stu x

PS Check out my highly impressive new photos of Goa on the top right of this blog!!

A Month of Sundays

2010-01-27T15:39:00.000Z

Ground Hog Day, Goa Style

Again written on a computor overwritten with Flat Head scribbles (Russian things..)

After several days on the beach (now in Palolem, South Goa), we have re booked flights to come back earlier - a week in England, then back to Portugal.

Very nearly tested the principle of groundhog day to the limit yesterday as I decided to take a short cut and swim around an outcrop of rocks to the next bay. Strong tides, several beers and a lack of direction (yes, Snr. Stupido got lost in the ARABIAN SEA!!) toook its toll as two hours later I got to shore - saved mainly by my very boyant crocs (foam sandals). Ah well, saved you all a trip to Goa, but if it happens again, check previous blogs re where to stay...

BBQ, Goa Style... all invited.

As the sun dips, anywhere in Goa, the bonfires start, and after a few minutes you realise the locals are burning all the plastic bottles and packaging. I am sure napalm smells sweeter. If someone clears an area, as many eco groups are doing, then the neighbours will drop their rubbish there double quick. Don't try and relax on the beach, as am average of 6 - 8 sarong, cd, dvd, sunglass, massage salesmen will wake you up every HOUR!!!!

Stop at a shop and you spend half an hour explaining that they are trying to charge more than 'kin Harrods.

Several people recommended Goa... I wonder if they have actually been here? The fish is never fresh, hung in the sun all day, seafood is more expensive than Portugal, they put Glycerin in the local beer to preserve it, the food is so confused - every restaurant serves Indian, Goan, Italian, Chinese, Nepalise, Continental and heck knows what else food, most of it below average. All with a smile.

Our local restaurant.

Come to Goa, get a tan. Seems it is the reserve of chavs on benefit. Of course it would be, with charter flights from Manchester, it's just up their street...

The Motorcycle Diaries

2010-01-24T05:36:00.000Z

Che get lost...
It should have been a Brough Superior, but it was a 350cc Enfield. Finally we got an Enfield, all two and a half tonnes of it. I now understand why the British Motorcycle Industry went belly up. Take as much heavy iron as you can find, put a small lump of metal in the middle of each wheel (you can't describe them as brakes..), add a sowing machine from the industrial revolution, and stick a pretty badge on the tank.

The Bullet was that fast we gained light years...

Did I mention the inovative feature called a guess - a - box? Like a gearbox but with seven neutrals, a random lotto choice and stick the lever on the wrong side. After two days and about 400km of dodging triple overtaking cars and heavy lorries, I just about got the hang of it, but still wouldn't have one even if it was free...
We rode down to the South, Palolem Beach (our next stop) and also to Bondla Wildlife Reserve (a sorry zoo..). Think we'll stay on the beach. Currently we are at Benaulim Beach in a very comfy co co hut - but sod's law meant we are attacked by mosiquitos every night.
I realise it has been over two weeks since I had:-
- cheese
- wine
- ice
- salad
-coffee
- brandy...
Doing those lists again!!! I have to admit this is just a glorified beach holiday, no point going inland. All the restaurants have the same strange menus, Indian, Chinese, Italian and continental dishes.
Going to the beach and beer and garlic naan sandwiches and loads of totty!! Stu x

Two Sarongs Make A Good Night

2010-01-17T14:03:00.000Z

Life in the South Seas

Good, economic, fun.. especially when drunk..

Coc co huts are a lot smarter than I thought. Off the ground, an adequete bed with mosquito screen, fan, lighting and electric points, this really is south sea luxury at 8 euros a night.
There are lots of Russians here - some stunning looking ladies (To appease my female readers a few years of perfection before it all heads south). They seem to have taken over this internet kiosk as well, google keeps coming up in Russian! Great being a bloke really, a few weeks in the gym and it all looks good, the more rugged the better....
A murder of crows. Bloody crows, they make cockerals seem a quiet bunch - for about three hours each morning (5 to 8am!!). Feeling a bit deprived of sleep - back to the beach I guess.
Newtons law of gravity also applies to motorcycles. After the Enfield refused to start, the moped, loaded with two people (Newtons Law now applied), refused to go up the first hill, so back to base for the third one.
Once you realise all other road users (especially Ivan and Natasha times 1000) are out to run you off the road, you're strangely fine and we scored our cheapest lunch yet, four beers two huge plates of curry for 3 euros!! We travelled to some of the tourist resorts (Candolim, Canalute and Baga) but they were just like Quarteira.
Owl had a massage to get her limbs reconnected after six hours on a moped, and whilst I was waiting I er er got a tattoo...........

Going co co loco down on Goa oh!!!

2010-01-14T12:49:00.000Z

Planes,trains,tubes,taxis, buses and a mono rail

It only took three and a half days to get to Goa. Our original flight via Aer Fungus was cancelled, so we re booked at 5 am to Gatwick with Monarch. After a five hour delay, we were re routed to Birmingham. Rather than get the free bus to Gatwick and get stuck there, we got the train to Euston (beautiful Virgin train, well quick) and a tube and another train to heathrow, just in time to miss our connecting flight...
Gina managed to rebook us for the following evenings flight, which after queueing for five hours was cancelled at the last minute. Free hotel care of two hours queueing at another BA conter, and we returned to Heathrow just before 6am the next day. NO seats but we could wait on standby... on the gate side fortunately as we had no hold luggage.
Tears in our eyes as we were allowed to board followed by a four hour wait on the tarmac.. whilst queuing for more de icing, the auxilary engine failed, than heathrows portable power supply failed, then we were towed to their main supply that also failed. We all got out and bump started the pig in the end.
We arrived in Mumbai at 4am their time - man so busy, when do they sleep. Taxi from International airport to domestic one and six hour wait for next flight to Goa (regardless to say two hour delay...
At Goa, man in a Newcastle shirt met us and took us on a two hour terrifying ride across country. Goa is not third world - it is the third world, the biggest truck on the road wins, de rigeur is to overtake on blind corners. Somehow it works, but having lost two nights pre paid accomodation and being ripped off by the pyseudo geordie taxi man and not having slept for a few days made me start to wonder what we were doing.
We left the posh hotel on principle (three nights for the price of one..) and moved next door into a co co hut - a bamboo shed on stilts. Several Kingfisher beers, good curries, swmming in warm warm waters later, this place is starting to grow on me. There is no infrastructure, fly tipping must be an olympic sport (Portuguese are real amatuers by comparison!!), mayhem between taxis rickshaws, motorbikes and people on tiny roads - but it works, and if you want anything, its around.
We are now in Arambol, on the North coast of Goa, a small town full of life, staying in an apartment hanging over the Arabian Sea, a nice breeze, fine life! I have just booked a 350cc Royal Enfield to go North to Fort Teracol - it's only 20 years since I rode a big heavy motorbike - with Owl on the back through crowded streets!!!!!!!!!!!
Wish me luck, Stu x

Shoot the ducks - It's too wet

2010-01-05T18:04:00.000Z

New Olympic swimming pool opens in my farm..

Now two blogs ago, mid December I did say it was a touch dry. After five hundred mm of rain even my large water tank is nearly full. Three weeks if rain including a nice 68.4mm in one day alone have convinced me it is now wet enough.
Seven rock falls along my track, seven streams through my land and seven heavy lunches have hastened our departure to Goa.. Small rucksack packed (me) and one slightly larger one (Owl), we will set off downstream at midnight to catch the right tide to Faro Airport.
Follow our travels on this blog - we will be at Yab Yum Yoga Resort for the first three days (www.yabyumresort.com) then walking down the beach to Arambol for some cage fighting and on to Terekol fort for sun downers.
Stu and Owl x

Spies, spies and more minced pies

2009-12-21T08:58:00.000Z

Permaculture rules!!

These are taken from second year plants that have survived the hot summer, repeated cabbage moth caterpillar attacks, rampant dogs, bad parking and the odd woofer... I have self seeding lettuce, wild broad beans, wild beautiful girlfriend, so me of this stuff is actually starting to work.

Picked today, eaten today. Food miles 2.8 (went to the pub and back to celebrate)

I am using "Turex", an organic spray to keep the munching bugs way - any better ideas anyone?

Veg, home grown, Macht Nicked Frie sign in the background - - priceless..

"My son is a spy, but if I told you that,I'd have to kill you". He must be a crap spy if his mum knows what he does, ,or a double agent brilliant spy pretending to be a crap spy. Johnny bloody English not.
Wonderful, what a start to the festive season, a santa fatwa hanging like mistletoe over my head.. and after my last blog, someone has left the tap on - over 55mm of rain in the last 24 hours.

Katy Price was a popular choice for the pass the parcel prize

It stayed dry on saturday for the non spies Christmas party, and with a higher than average booze to food to people ratio, twas chrimbo jolly great, thanks to all who came.

Ex spy, Chinese Billy

Ex spy, Mafia Jimbo

Ex secret spies compare their persil whiteness..

We are off on the 7th Jan to Goa until mid February... communication by e mail, I will switch my phone on every two days for any texts and try and keep my blog going in between Kingfishers, Bullets and Thalis!!
Have a great Christmas and see you all in the New Year,
Stu, Owl, Holly and Becky xx

PS No spies were hurt in the making of this party, sorry Katie, we thought your clothes were part of the Christmas wrapping, you can bid for them on e bay if you want them back..

Under a hot tin roof

2009-12-10T19:35:00.000Z

Rain rain went to Spain

Still a dry house here in the Algarve. Clouds came and went, temperatures dropped and it was into the first week of December that we lit our first fire.
Having offloaded my fourth lorry load of rough walling rock of the week, I had to water the garden.... gerrnash!!! Having installed a second tank to catch the (non) rain off the workshop roof, I am facing ordering more lorry loads of water. Down in the Sierras of Grazalema (Hi Clive!), they are approaching their yearly average already... 2000mms of the stuff.

My weather guru, Borde d'agua 2009 has been spot on, snow up North, humidity down South. On the next full moon, our only blue moon of the year (second full moon in the same calendar month) predicts not humidity, or chuva BUT - - Chuva abundantement, hopefully the full monty Spanish weather machine aka the ex love of my life Kate Bush in that classic video with Donald sutherland.
I bought the Borde d'agua 2010 last week, but will await until our return from Goa to read it.

Work continues to be hectic - we will be working through Christmas on some great eco landscapes - removing palm weevil destroyed palms, restoring a neglected orchard, recycling a garden full of rocks. Every day is so different, but I wish I could get a few days back at the farm.
Thanks to AR and her recommendation of Mercearia Bio (www.merceariabio.pt), who deliver the most beautiful baskets of mixed organic vegetables anywhere in the Algarve.

Mre later and pics... goto make my daughters dinner!!

Incredible U turn by Snr. Nobel

2009-11-12T19:48:00.000Z

Bin Laden Obama hands prize to President N Griffin

Not Griff Nickin..

Mind the gap...

Between my ears or the epoc of Barak's illegal wars and the fact that Nick Griffin has upset less Muslims than Bararakafat (only due to the lack of TVs in Irak, Iran, Afganistan and Birmingham and that Griffin means Harry Potter in those languages)
Here's one to think about though. What if Obama is right and continued peace is only due to constantly chasing the Taliban and their version of terrorism? Maybe in fifty years time we can really give him a pat on the back and say he was right? I feel not, but comments welcome please!!

Big apologies for my last blog as it contained no references to gardens, farms, permaculture or even Jacqui Smith. I will correct that now.

The hour changed, the days shortened and the temperature has dropped. An offer of ten lorry loads of horse manure meant a couple of frantic days in reverse down slippery slopes has led to the whole garden being top dressed in twenty cms of horse poo. Another 15 fruit trees, 200 onion seedlings, more lettuce, brocculi and beetroot plantlings has the garden set up for winter. Keeper of all garden knowledge, Antonio the water man reckons I will regret the muck spreading because of the weeds, but heck what does he know (answer : everything....)

Biggest arrival was the very delayed pick up of my bread oven

How not to deliver a bread oven..

Given my impatience, I had it put on the back of my truck and drove home. I should have guessed it was heavy by the slewing of my faithful toyota. By the time I swung it upside down, landed it chimney side down, carefully blocked my drive, cycled to my supplier and had him lift it effortlessly with crane onto my raised plinth, it was beer time.

It must be easy after so many deliveries.. I mean it has to be..

The next day, with the help of Calvin from Algarve Tipi's (see link at side), we fired her up and produced three beautiful loaves, and with a bean stew, Aldi's finest non organic red, celebrated in style.

I chose the model with chimney for easy starting

Following Jonothan of Rainbow´s advice, lots of thin branches to heat all around

The final result!! Chiili and Coriander, Sour dough and German beer bread, oh yes....

This saturday awaits, bread, cornish pasties, cheese pasties pizza and lamb leg on the menu. It is another step away from the electric oven, gaz hob and more importantly bills!! Come and join us, come and cook, laugh, sing, cry. Our door is always open - and we have much to learn from you all,

Stu and Owl xx

PS On a bitter note, I have just been informed of about the twentieth house robbery in as many days. Pre Christmas opportunists emptied a house just West of Loulé, furniture and all. Keep it tight, vary routines with cars, parking, lights and shopping. Watch your mirror when 1000 metres from home and do an extra lap around the block if unsure. This serious stuff my friends.

Winds of Change

2009-10-11T17:58:00.000+01:00

"Only when the last tree has fallen,
the last river polluted,
will we realise you can't eat money"

Small natural landscape completed this week

This quote is from an ancient Indian poem. Not untrue eh?
I have got itchy feet.
Frequent trips in the camper relieve them temporarily, we will visit the Roman towns between Seviila and Cordoba in a couple of weeks for three or four days.
I feel I am attached to the Algarve by my umbilical cord - and a badly expired passport. Time to go further afield. January and February are normally quiet. Always lots to do on the farm, plenty of firewood to burn, projects to finish, friends to see, wine and dine. But it is time to fly again. It is ten years since I left Europe, two years since I flew at all.
Time to crush myself in row 26, knees jammed probably tighter than ever in cattle third class, politely refusing year old plastic food, dehydrating gins, boring films, Tracy and Wayne, pee strewn loos, long airport queues.
All for a quick veggie Vindaloo or two. We are off to Goa for five weeks in January and February.
Gina of Solseta(www.solseta.com) has been brilliant and arranged the flights, mainly with British Airways (No Tracy and Wayne or Sacha and Marie but more likely university educated Gillian and Henry).

Faro Airport police pursue the silly Brits who leave cars outside the designated parking areas - runways are not the best place lads...

And congratulations, Bin Laden Obama, the only President to win a Nobel Peace Prize whilst waging two illegal wars at the same time. Apparently he replied to one of those Nigerian e mails and it turned out to be true.. If you would like to check the award is solid gold, try sending it to Goldforyou.com. - these guys seem really genuine, just like those nice Nigerian businessmen..

Make Jam From The North Side of The Tree

2009-09-25T17:00:00.000+01:00

Guess who's back??

Three weeks in the saddle (or camper) followed by three weeks on my digger and the next thing I managed to do was to accidentally delete virtually all my holiday photos and reformat the new laptop to make sure I can't retrive them.

A few nights ago, it finally happened. The moon climbed over the tipi and shone straight through the smoke hole waking me with astounding results:-

1.) I am now 1000 years younger

2.) My disco stick is considerably longer

3.) I am back into making lists

4.) I am no longer in love with Lady Gaga (helped by the News of the World claiming she has a disco stick of her own!!)

We set off late August and headed to Cadiz. Cadiz was full. So full the car parks charge by the minute.. If I'm going to pay by the minute, come back Home Secretary. Heading down the coast we escaped the heat under a shady tree in Conil de la Fronteira, quite a nice town. It was one of those campsites where wrinklys swept the leaves off their pristine groundsheets and I wished I had my leaf blower and Bruno and a video camera.

The Med is... well the Med, clearer, warmer and miles prettier than Portugal - and that's just the women.

We called in to see Clive and Sue and little Sam, who run www.wildsideholidays.com, promoting eco tourism and had a great night and left with several tonnes of pumpkins, courgetes and tomatoes. And a hangover too...

Clive and a barbie doll. Screams really realistically!

The heat increased and even parking five metres off high tide in Mojocar didn't help - although it made for spectacular skinny dipping. It is a busy tourist place but is nice and relaxed. A bag of ice and a newspaper every morning, cheap menu de dia, live music, free showers. We will be back.

Mojocar is cool!!

One of the highlights of our trip was a stay at Los Gazquez above the picturesque village of Velez Blanco (www.losgazquez.com). Simon and Donna have spent two years and a shed load of money creating an off grid hotel at 1200 metres altitude. With six double bedrooms on suite, solar and wind power, we arrived as strangers, were treated like kings and left firm friends.

To spend a night with absolutely no light pollution, I fell asleep under the stars (and yes you guessed left with a hangover..)

Around every corner in Spain you can find something different - this was a full blown Aussie Bar in a small village near nowhere -note this is not a Nile crocodile!!

All my photos lost -only got this postcard..

Highlight of the trip was the desert region of Cabo de Gata, a peninsula of the SE corner of Spain and designated as the only desert land of Europe. Filling a 40 year wish, we went to Mini Hollywood and saw the wild west shoot out (and bought the tee shirt and CD!!), saw an earthship (www.earthship.es), and spent a couple of days at Sunseed (www.sunseed.org).

So back home and working hard - just started the tribrid wood cooking station:- bread oven, BBQ and rocket stove all in one unit. The theatre of dreams is finished, summers ending and we have now moved from the tipi to the Owl House. How was your summer?

Tribrid cooking station , 2048 bottles of Sagres wanted to infill it..

Make Love Whilst the Sun Shines

2009-08-18T19:25:00.000+01:00

It ain't looting if you leave a note..

A lesson from Hurricane Katrina, you need supplies, take em but leave a message....

I have taken August off. Don't ring, don't sererande, don't hire Lady Gaga to run past me naked***, I am retired for this month. Or I was.
Carobs, Figs, Almonds for starters. My water man and his never ending advice, only lightly dulled by Sagres injection - pick em, dry roast em, stuff em, good job the bugger doesn't know about jam or actually eating the things fresh.... Seems the neighbours are interested in the Carobs and nothing else, every morning I can pick a bucket of figs in five minutes.

And we have been finishing things!!

The Theatre of Dreams gains its sky roof, which we will cover with climbers. As well as a chill out zone, it will be used as an outdoor cinema to show some of the eco films I er accidentally bought on tinternet whilst sponsored by Sagres last week....

Roasting figs in the solar oven - six sunny days, no cost!!

Drying figs on an old pallet and chicken wire. At 700 calories per 100 grammes dried, this is essential winter power food. Neighbours don't even pick theirs....

Fixing the Food Chain

After a snake dropped out of the rafters above my office desk,(small black one 40cms long - any guesses anyone??) I did some research. Because of my chicken food storage (all over the floor because of the cat), snakes will move in to prey on the rats. since this is a touch disconcerting, I found the answer is the Nile Crocodile - 200 quid later from Ebay Egypt and I think he has cured the problem. The dogs are a little wary and we haven't seen the cat for a while but the problem snakes seemed to have disappeared. Owl is a little scared as we are still sleeping in the tipi, and since the dog can sneak under the sides she seems to think Tooting - come - on (the croc, natch!) might pay us a visit as well, seems just can't please some people............

A real baby at heart, Tooting - come -on is fond of all ends of the food chain

Two Mangoes - at least I managed to plant a good big fruit variety

Pumpkins, another great winter storage food

Crops picked, figs drying, tomato sauce made, it is time for a break. We are off next week to Spain for a couple of weeks - to Cadiz, then Sierra da Grazalema to see Clive of Wildside Holidays (www.wildsideholidays.com - great eco places to stay at) and Simon of Los Gazquez eco retreat - fantastic place 1000 metres above sea level(www.losgazquez.com), then down to the South Coast to see my pal Tee Shirt near Motril and along to see Dave and Laura and their earthship construction (www.earthship.es) and hopefully to see Eduardo at Spain's leading solar shop near Ronda (www.generador-electrico.com)
If you need me, text me or Owl on 917814261, or speak to the croc..... he won't fit in the camper.

***Ok, you can really, but she is lousy at gardening - look what she did to my palm tree!!

Up the Orient without a paddle, manager or hero

2009-08-02T08:02:00.000+01:00

Sad day for the Toon.

The death of Sir Bobby Robson, Geordie Gentleman puts life into a sharper perspective. He turned out only four days before his death to watch the re run of 1990 England v Germany. You can guess in a few days, he will be a popular memory for us Newcastle fans.

In contrast, that little plastic spastic monkey Wacko Jacko continues to appall us with todays News of The Screws picture of his death bed, his heirs, more unknown kids, and whatever some low life papparrazi can discover for next weeks sunday papers.

It gets worse for Newcastle, Shearer finally signs for the BBC.... ending his chase to get Newcastle sold and become full time manager. Whilst he scored the winning goal on the re run of the 1990 England - Germany match, Newcastle lost 6 - 1 to an unknown bunch of cheats called Leighton Orient..

Enough of football, this is an eco blog, read by thousands to champion the cause of compost loos.

My latest volunteers have just left, having picked my Carob beans and stained all the woodwork. Nephew Purple Ronnie has arived and when the bright pink lobster colour he won at the beach subsides, will be able to help us finish the Theatre of Dreams. He has a sore purple head this morning as a result of back to back parties and olympic sagres consumption....

A Gloriette!! We are propagating the native Algarve white rose to climb over the whole roof. The raised beds that surround our version will be narrowed and heightened so we can top them up with a less friable soil in an attempt to use less water.

We have just watched "Garbage Warrior", a narrative on Michael Renolds (The founder of Earthships) and his struggle to legalise them. This has inspired me to keep all my empty bottles and build my hamman out of them - a semi sauna come massage room.

Watching the film with us was Jonothan from Rainbow who has decided to sell his share of the community and move on to a small farm with Jenny. He stayed for a few days and has fitted a hydrogen inverter on my old Mercedes (watch this space for economy figures!!) and also showed us how to make a proper sourdough bread - using freshly milled flour mixed with water and doubled for three days to make bread with only the wild yeast that the flour contains - worked well, better put building a bread oven on my list as well.. got to keep Purple Ronnie busy!!

Invest in yourself!

2009-07-14T06:09:00.000+01:00

Giant triffid guards Casa Mexico, now complete,

must go to the beach and get some sea water!!

Sitting here with a three day old tummy ache, I don't know what is worse, the gut ache or the bolly chemist who sold me a sweet version of alka seltzer for ten euros. It will be a while before I eat Japanese food off a conveyor belt again... although it may have something to do with the green jelly and unlimited prawns. This is the Fukukutchi Restaurante at the new Olhão Shopping centre. First four letters of the name sum up what they have done to me (Owl was ok, think it is hidden meat or lard that got me).

The saving grace is we have moved into our tipi, and man do we sleep like babies - I have even put the quilt back on as it gets a little chilly in the middle of the night. Those who mock me, sleep soundly in your beds whilst the bugs in the air con system infest your every inward breath. It really shows how little you need to live in a hot country.

Instant bedroom anyone? Thanks to Calvin of Tipi Algarve for the erection

My view every morning, like a rebirth

WHO CAN YOU TRUST?

A politician? A banker? A policeman? Possibly the copper. To illustrate why the world is very very depressed consider this (ah.. a list!!)

a) Santander Group are the worlds biggest banking group: They have overtaken HSBC, and now as the worlds local bank must employ more village idiots by definition.

b) Alliance and Leicester are owned by Santander

c) A and Leicester's latest add offers 6% interest for up to 2500 pounds for a year to the over 50s, after that it reverts to 0.1%

d) In the not so small print is a management fee of 10 pounds per month.

e) If you take the interest minus the management fee (150 minus 120 = 30 pounds yearly interest), you get an interest rate of little over 1%....

And this is from the worlds biggest bank, are we supposed to trust them? Rather you than me. Until we have an economy based on actual business between you and me, the world isn't going to be safe. Funnily enough Prince Charles (Deputy Head of the NDFP*)) was critisized for suggesting that this is the only way forward and tesco - esque profiterring is wrong. Well done Charlie, one limited edition Princess Diana land mine on its way to you. Suggest you put it under Mugabes cushion next time you have tea with him.

Invest in yourself!

Yes it's a dangerous tactic, self belief. We have been plodding on in the heat at Quinta Stu, buying in water to try and save our flagging vegetables. One thing we have been doing well is foraging for building materials for the Budda Bar, our outside kitchen and bar. Three marble tops from a skip, wooden poles from a scrappie, flag stones from a job and a whole whack of orange canvas stolen from Holland, a few donated doors, a car seat (bar stool!) and a second hand sink will make an interesting project. Just hope I can complete it before Owl cottons on to all this free spirit construction (i.e. Complete Rubbish Hotel Construction System). No money will be changing hands in the building of this icon.

Vital in the construction of an outside bar is

the bright orange smoking budda

*non democratic fascist party

Bending, Surfing and Life On The Road

2009-06-25T15:23:00.000+01:00

THE TALKING ANIMAL PRODUCTION COMPANY .....The only way to here the truth in this world full of lies!!

Somali pirates hiding in Azenha de Mar

Ahh.... Morning campers. A week on the road with Owl, Sooty and the camper has lowered the blood pressure and increased the bad joke to good joke ratio...

Alan / I am going to divorce the wife, she hasn-t spoken to me for two months

Fred \ I wouldn-t do that, such women are hard to find.

My kind of woman

The week started with a couple of days at Rainbow, building a bender with Jonathon and bender specialist Mary Salix. Whilst not ground breakingly new for me, it really showed that anything can be used to make a quick windproof and homely shelter. Sizzling hot weather, bread oven pizza, a lesson on clipping Romao the Donkeys hooves and a driving lesson on donkey and cart completed a nice low carbon week end.

Courgettes in car tyres

And as a special gift to all you lovely people, I share a sneak preview of the TAP film companies new film, Talking Donkies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nGZlGt_1uM

The west coast of Portugal from Aljezur to Vila Nova de Milfonts is blessed with some amazing little coves and fishing ports. Unfortunatley the towns close to them are new, scruffy and the food offered not fresh and very expensive. Fish restaurants with no fresh fish on display but a long list of them on the menu?? The prettiest and only town with a little style and atmosphere was Monte Clerigo, due West of Aljezur. Seeing the sun set into the sea was my main pull. We parked on the pavement at Azenha de Mar, overhanging the Atlantic. With no bar or restaurant, we would have been lost without the gin and camper... and the production crew

Blue Lagoon anyone?

and another classic from TAP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLL9Qfpqd5c

Nice artistic pic by Owl of ruin at sunset

Twenty Three Minute Chicken Blows Away Master Chef Puffs

2009-06-19T17:09:00.000+01:00

FAMOUS HAS BEEN CHEF DUO DON'T BUY RONALDO OR NEWCASTLE UNITED FOOTBALL CLUB!!

42 in the shade - ideal cooking temperature for the solar cooker

So celebrity masterchef has started again. The only thing sadder is that Newcastle United are up for sale and the asking price for the entire club,trophy room with adequete space for several trophies, 38 restaurantes and all is the same price that Real Madrid are paying for that manky monkey cheese head Ronaldo...

23 minute solar chicken - the oven would have taken an hour, therefore I beat Master Chef and thencefore christen them Little Chef and the Bald One..

The solar cooker was supplied from www.generador-electrico.com and cost about 100 euros including delivery from Spain. Although a little rickerty, it is easy to use and man can it heat anything!! I put a newsaper on the centre pot holder a few days ago to see how focused the beam was and it burst into flames within one second. Having set fire to the fence twice, you really have to pay attention whilst not using it. Really is a zero carbon success story.

Casa Mexico, the eco kitchen and bathroom are finally finished. A 25m coil of 3\4" black tube sits snuggly on a black roofing membrane to provide the hot water. 25 metres of this tube contains 10 litres of pre heated water - perfect for a shower or washing up. All used water goes into a tank at the back to be used on the garden.

Kitchen area

Intrepid camera man hangs upside down for the perfect shot of the Owl bathroom mirror!!

Small pumpkin hides under wilting leaf in the hot sun. This variety is called Gentle Giant, and can grow to 80 kilos!!!

Prodical daughter returns for the holiday week end from her boarding school up at Alter De Chão, East of Coimbro - what are they feeding her??

STOP PRESS!!!!!!

Mega thanks to Calvin of Agarve Tipis for putting up my new tipi, what a gent.

Photos of this in my next blog. Off to Rainbow to see Jonathon and bend some willow and dance to the summer solstice and see the starts and and and............ bye friends!!

PS Anyone know how I can change the date of this blog. I actually published it today, 19th of june but started it on the 12th as proclaimed above Annoying!!

Death of a Princess

2009-06-05T17:36:00.000+01:00

MURDER AND MYSTERY AT QUINTA STUART!!

Yes, a sad day at Quinta Stuart with the discovery of a dead chicken in my chicken ark. Poor Gerry was a little stiff and very quiet and lying on her side. After a little detective work, I deduced she was dead, cause of death unknown - no marks, no suicide note, no guilty looking chicken looking on. Any ideas dear readers? Holly suspects a snake attack as we have a few around at the moment.. Can I put a new one in with Kate or will they fight too much?

New sign at Quinta Stuart - an old pallet, cost zero!!

I emptied my second compost heap this week - really rich compost but definately anarobic - heavy smelly and compacted. The Humanure Handbook, one of the best books on compost toilets and composting claims there are no advantages to turning compost piles regularly, Monty Don, ex Gardeners World, swore by turning his compost heaps every fortnight or so. Maybe it depends on what goes in. I always try and keep it light, if I add a load of green weeds, then I will add a layer of more open greenery, but it didn't work. The compost is strong and will add strength to a raised bed that had burnt out the imported sub - strato in only three months.

Something satisfying about your own compost!!

The slow careful study of land is a big part of permaculture, and the longer I live, the more I understand. If you plough your land every season, then the erosion increases and a lot of micro nutrients are lost. Conversely it makes barren lands open to the rains and starts a different cycle of local species of plants (weeds if not a nitrogen fixer or grazing crop!!)

One piece of land attached to our property has not been touched for several years. The Almonds are all dead (still useful as a firewood bank) and the land has only wild thyme growing on it - great for my lebanese bread and pizzas. So what at a glance is worthless has at least two useful aspects, as well as no erosion in the form of dust into our house and a natural barrier for privacy (difficult to walk over)

Sea of Thyme, Ghosts of Almonds.

Advance notice - Going on a bender!!!

Ever thought willow bending was just for an uncomfortable igloo or sweat lodge? Think again. Jonathon and Jennie are playing host to Mary Salix, willow bender. Between the 20th and 22nd June, they will be running a three day course up at Rainbow, near Odemira - what a beautiful excuse to see the summer solstice under the stars and learn something different? Contact Jonathon for more details (solar@rainbowtradingpost.com)

Need a cheap green house? Willow can do it!!

One lesson I have learnt this year is to not ignore flowering plants in my Permaculture garden.

The mix of bulbs and stoloniferous perennials is a great addition to my garden - little water and

care, they break up the monotony of vegetables and will create low water micro enviroments year by year.

This climbing rose gets no water and the thorns make it a handy barrier.

Bread workshop at Quinta Stuart

Thanks to all those people that turned up for last weeks "Use your Loaf" bread making session at Quinta Stuart. Unfortunately the bad weather forced us indoors, and after a glass of wine or two, we had some great results.

The topping on the round bread is Thyme, Rhus and Olive oil.

Uncle Calvins sign after some annonymous punk added graffitti...

Bananas and Tripe

2009-05-24T19:22:00.000+01:00

Last orders at The Toon Saloon

I won't let Newcastle United's inability to kick their way out of a wet paper back get in the way of a brilliant week end away. Shearer now apparently runs a chip shop with Elvis and Princess Diana somewhere near Albufeira. Like my blog, good things come to those who wait, but man why couldn't I have been born in Manchester or Delhi so I could see some silverware....

As a man who tries not to fly, every time I look up, the sky is criss crossed with slashes of vapour trails. Do you remember when air hostesses used to be five feet ten, stunning and have to have a university degree AND were told off if they didn't give enough gin out? Now we get Tracy from Essex pouring 200cc of warm beer in your lap and charging 35 quid for the priviledge. Third runway at Heathrow? One is enough - level all the flight prices and forget so called hubs and global trade ( or lack of it if there isn't enough runway space) Eat local, trade local, die local.

Calvin's greenhouse and 20,000 tomatoes ripe in three weeks..

New bar and kitchen area at Tipi Algarve

We have just returned from a week end around Monchique. Friday night was at Tipi Algarve, Calvin and Nadines on the way up to Monchique. And

a) Wow... seven tipis and a yurt and a fabulous bar \ communal area, the place looks great

b) Sorry I got so drunk

c) Sorry to the Woofers who I woke up at 3 am mowing the lawn naked withh Garth Brookes on at full blast*

d) After haking around my banana to fix a tube it has started flowering -turns out I left too many babies around the mother ship - one or two max.

e) Tripe is my woffling blog - such a good week end, thanks all!

My own vapour trail

Saturday night we stayed in the middle of nowhere, without a street light to be seen unfortunately the clouds and rain moved in to stop any view of the stars, but allowed us to safetly BBQ a few chilli beans., using charcoal hewn from a seven year old forest fire. What a spot - 7km North of Monchique. Within two minutes of driving a km off the road, a local arrived, shook my hand, smiled and said "Ar Pura" (fresh air) and gave me a bunch of flowers. Fearing a scene from the film Deliverance, I took the flowers which turned out to be a stress reliving tea. It worked, he didn't return in the middle of the night with a pick up, large mates and guns.

The view from the bedroom window, middle of nowhere

Tea, deliverance style

Thanks to Jonathan of Rainbow, I installed an Apple Struddle inverter and had full internet access, dodgy DVD show and a shave really in the middle of nowhere. We will return on a clear night and view the stars like I used to when Portugal didn't have street lights anywhere - this is more sky pollution.

Owl and The Indiana Jones Look

On Sunday we caught up with Lesley Martins, Permaculture teacher and really fantastic lady, and swopped addresses, contacts and thoughts. Unless you get out, meet similar minded people (via the Net) you cannot progress in this life. I am often guilty of hiding in my cave, and it doesn't work. Random networking doesn't work either. Neither does naked mowing...

Still need a volunteer or two if you want to pass this blog onto anyone bored??

* Apparently it wasn't me, although I remember fixing the mower and have a bad cut on my hand where I lost my mobile phone through a hedge**

** Found it, as owl adds, it is now 1 - 1 on the lost and found mobile phone subject, although I found both phones

Putting My Garden To Bed

2009-05-03T16:42:00.000+01:00

AS SUMMER STARTS TO ARRIVE, IT'S TIME TO BATTON THE HATCHES AND SAVE THE SMALL UNIVERSE THAT IS QUINTA STUART

Compost toilet and the solar bedroom - all for that unique experience

The morning sun floods into the solar house

Morning campers (that was the rainbow you know!)

A day of 30 plus celcius reminded me that hot days and dry gardens loom ahead. In the last three days, the neighbours fields have started to brown off, the remaining favas have dried on the stalks (next years seeds) and I have reinstalled my outside bathroom. Strong winds have moved from the cold Northerly via a couple of Easterlys to the summer South westerly.

And Nigella is back on TV, which really is the best bit. Still no sign of old satchel head, her absent hubby so the coast is also clear for me. I have written her a poem, so if any of you are calling in for a cup of rich hot sensual cocoa in the next day or two, could you pass it on.

" Nigella, Nigella, I watch you galore.

I really are my fvorite carni...vore

I watch you wearing my boxing gloves

To stop my straying one handed love.

More gratitude than gratin,

More tit than tarte tartin,

At night in the pantry with your black dressing gown,

I love you I love you, leave saatchi now!"

Raised beds, filled and planted with automatic irrigation

After the winters tree planting, we have finished building some simple raised beds using builders planks and filled with matured horse manure. On the uprights of our glorriette (pergola with a roof to go on it) we have planted struck cuttings of the strong white Algarvean native climbing Rose, this will give us summer shade and hopefully save us water next summer. Peppers, Tomatoes, Courgettes, Aubergines, late Potatoes, Pumpkins, Butternuts and lots of onions will fill out the beds and hopefully cope with the hot summer sun.

With the remaining manure, we have remulched all the side beds, fruit trees and all the vines. It definately cuts down on the watering and adds much needed food to my poor soil, although I will still have to add some organic feed to a few yellowing courgettes.

All the irrigation has been repaired and buried, although I must admit it is 50 - 50 between the dogs and my mini digger on who destroys most.

Peas, carrots and Nasturtians abound!

Work is busy for once, and we have just renovated an old meadow. Yesterday we removed a big lawn that will be turned into an orchard and cactus garden. Slowly, people are coming to reason that high water bills and maintenance are not the future.

A mock dry river bed divides this simple meadow garden

The Sevillean Rose thrives on little water and vast quantities of beer from the Perdiz gardener...

STILL WANTED!!!

There are occasional vacancies for volunteers at Quinta Stuart. Currently we need help to finish the eco bathroom and putting the tipi up.

THANKS

Thanks to Linda for joining our blog - she runs thedesperategardeners.blogspot.com, a very relevant blog based in Arizona. Thanks to Wildside Holidays for lots of referals re renting the Owl House. Thanks to all my members and readers - without yo, slander would never travel so fast. Thanks to Jacqui Smith for changing her mobile number and finally thanks to Nigella for the whipped cream.....

Peas, Breeze .. and no sleaze!!

2009-04-19T11:30:00.000+01:00

FOR ONCE, STUART MANAGES TO AVOID PUTTING HIS HIGH HEELED JACK BOOTS INTO THE POLITICAL SLURRY OF ENGLISH GOVERNMENT

Because:-

a) I haven't watched TV for a few days
b) The dog ate the Sunday Times

c) Jacqui Smith is on holiday (on the tax payers expense)

d) All the above and life is just too short..

I actually put my boots on and followed the dog around a really beautiful valley East of Sao Bras, an area called Carrasquira. Dotted, hidden in trees were several wooden huts, all with solar panels, some with chimneys, decks, shaded terraces. With one or two poços (wells) nearby, not a bad place to live - but there was virtually no growing of vegetables or fruit trees, and with a long trek to any local market not the ideal place to live.

Two houses like these plus solar panels and well for 90,000 euros?

All the soil has been washed or eroded by wind over the last few hundred years into a rich alluvial soil in the bottom of the valley, where vegetables and fruit trees abound... all owned by the local Portuguese without a Brit of German to be seen. Think there might be a lesson there!

Growing on the North face of a steep hill helos retain the bright hues of blue

The shepherd tracks up to the summit were littered with wild flowers, all blue, I guess from growing on the shady North side of the hill. On reaching the summit, I came across the only fence in the whole area and was stopped from continuing by this stupid line of steel surrounding Stalaghouse 16, a massive monolith of a villa all shuttered up and probably guarded by evil vultures. What is the lure of owning something so big that it would take you a week to open all the windows? Unless you live in the basement, of course.... must be Austrian owned.

A nice few showers has kept the garden moist, the fruit is growing on my trees and my peas are running amok. I bought half a litre of seeds about four years ago for 50 cents, and the ten I planted six weeks ago are dripping with pods. So easy, so little watering needed. It is a critical time for the new fruit trees, they need a lot of water to stop the fruit from dropping. Whilst wiser to concentrate on getting the tree stronger by removing the fruit.

Heck, life is too short, the fruit is staying. Death isn't something we're born afraid of, it's something we learn to fear. Children have no concept of death, from five to eight, they have a vague understanding of the finality of death and only from nine onwards to they understand that one day it may happen to them. My awakening came at the age of eleven when my gran died. She had always terrified me by leaving an empty bucket by my bed when there was a loo just down the hall and force feeding me vast quantities of toast (She once fed me 12 slices in one sitting, but I should explain she was so slow in cooking them that it kind of encompassed breakfast lunch and dinner in one go..) I was amazed that not only was the mass feeder no longer around but my Dad ended up with an extra house - shame we can't have loads of grans!

Mind you, it was only a stones throw from the pub - not a five km hike like the wooden house above!

P.S. I lied about the sleaze. Print this coupon and cut it out. Take it to your local massage parlour and tell them Tony the Greek gave it to you. See you next week, Stu x

Strawberries, Sawdust, Sex and Swastikas

2009-04-12T08:10:00.000+01:00

Dispondent TMN staff, subtle clues to fascist origins...

Held down at gunpoint, robbed and pistol whipped, the three thieves with the unmistakeable SS iron cross around their neck and a warped T on their back left me alone and I was able to leave the bloody TMN repair shop unaided.

Finally I have installed my SIXTH TMN mobile modem. Or should I say it works on my laptop but not on my Mac or Owl's PC..... It's been a strange week. Time for another politician -kinky sex - true story!

Former spin doctor Alistair likes cooking, likes cooking naked and whilst under stress likes to hold his "tool". When his wife returned home last week, she found him bathing his love stick in a cup of milk. After her initial shock (Jaqui Smith would have smiled), he protested his innocent lactic coated wanger. It turns out he was peeling chillis and at the time accidentally held his stress releasing truncheon.

Sometimes holding a candle for Permaculture hurts. I failed to convince a new client that a big new lawn was non sustainable and a meadow with fruit trees was nicer, then I crashed into an ice sculpture truck and snapped Tiger Woods head off (it was the centre piece of some golf tournament dinner), gout, a broken house pump and leaking pipes later.
Note the missing head........

Happy Easter.. heck I like a challenge but not every day of my wonderful life:-

You know, I was whipped as a child,

Beaten up as a teenager,

Mugged as an adult,

Ripped to bits by a savage dog,

Saddened by the death of my parents

Hardened by divorce

And I can still cry my eyes out to a slushy movie..

So I have decided to get hard. And I give you lesson number one. Airports are portals of doom and destruction, germs and genocide. Avoid at all costs. If not ...............

The Burger King credit card, eat now pay later

HOW TO TURN A CREDIT CARD INTO A KNIFE

1. Select a stiff credit card - or use an old hotel room key card.

2. Take a single edged disposable razor such as a plastic bic.

3. Break the plastic head apart and remove the blade.

4. Super glue the blade to the corner of the card at an angle. It should protrude about 2 mm above the card.
5. Cover the lower part of the blade with strong tape to keep it from snagging when making deep cuts.
6. Keep the card blade down behind your drivers license.

7. This way, if someone asks you for your ID or bank card, you can whip it out and slice their neck

8. NB Although I don't fly, because of the small blade, it can be carried safely through most metal detectors.

Makes you wonder what genuinely nasty people carry on them?

TWO METHODS TO ATTACK ....... THE STOCK MARKET

Doesn't common sense tell you to stay away from casinos and online gambling .. otherwise known as the stock market.

Mr A. (Not his real name, is it Mr R.) advocates diving in now to the stock market. This plump, diabetic ruin of a man, who would be a real nice guy if he ever shuts up is still buying dodgy Chinese bank shares.

Mr T. (Maybe his real name) has sold all his shares as soon as the banks started to cheat and is somewhat coincidentally currently touring China.

BBC ACTUALLY MENTIONS THE P WORD

Raised beds, morning after the night before...

Yes, Gardeners World last week actually built raised beds and lined them with cardboard, scored some free council compost and mentioned Permaculture. Gosh, next they might even build a compost loo. I wish they might suggest that you could actually share an allotment with a few friends and invest in "Square Foot Gardening", one of the best books on vegetable gardening in small spaces.

It's still a wonderful world, just sometimes you have to remember the best stuff..

Jaqui Smith is the new Kate Moss

2009-04-02T18:29:00.000+01:00

Porn Girl Jaqui Outshines Shearers return

It's been a few blogs since I :-

a) Wrote a list

b) Wrote about politics

c) Didn't write about love, sex and the universe

Well, fixed the first one OK...

I've had quite a crush on Jaqui Smith, the home secretary for a while and after TheDaily Sleeze found that her husband bought two blue movies with our credit card (i.e taxpayers money), they completely lost the plot. Instead of him apologizing, she should have faced the Sky news twerp, and commented " We have a very active sex life". It would have been the best 0.00000562 pence each tax payer could have spent, and it would have wound up my Jaqui Smith and moi fantasies to the next level. I mean, 2000 pounds each to give bankers extra bonuses for failing or 1\2p in your life time, you choose.

If you keep adding bits to your garden, one of the best pleasures in life (other than Jaqui Smith appearing in yer dreams or Alan Shearer becoming Newcastle manager) is coming across dormant food stores. My Jerusalem Artichokes have been dormant for months and only accidentally I came across a shload* of them as I dug to fix a tube. They are a tuber \ potato that are great roasted. As soon as they shoot or before (if you can find them), they can be picked. As soon as they head skywards (they are sun flower family), leave them until completely died back. Very little water needed and survives hot hot climes - they line the entrance up at Tamera.

About a kilo from the original tuba in one year - this is "future food".

I have been working in Messines again - home of great coffee and the Winge Family Naggingson

(the incestuous tree squatting neighbours). Oh to have soil like this, alluvial, silty, free draining strong red soil. It rocks! I built a raised vegetable bed using rock dug up from the swimming pool, sand and a little cement left by the builder and filled up using the alluvial soil and some humanure recycled compost. Whilst not 100% eco, it will be an area that is sat on, leaned over, so the use of high carbon cement was essential for strength and with good localized irrigation, an easy way to grow some nice vegetables - climbing tomatoes, corgettes, aubergines and peppers for starters.

Use of local rocks and soil kept the price down. At a handy height of 50cms, you can reach over to all areas without having to compact the soil \ manure mix. Good veg = non compacted soil + regular watering!!

How did you all fare with last Saturday nights storm? Here near Faro we had 27mm in six hours with reports of even higher near Loule. Check the Extreme Weather link on the right or Ricks Algarve Weather Station lower down for a continuous update on all rain totals. It was magic here, with a big lightening storm here and really drumming on our tin roof. It drained away so quickly, a warning of how dry the Algarve gets so suddenly.

One nights rain, no puddles by midday...

The rain did reduce my manure pile and encourage me to fill another couple of my raised beds, after picking a record crop of broad beans - so easy to grow, throw then into any ground after the first rains of the winter and just watch them!! No chemicals, no manure or fertilizing, just pure food.

Green compost (grass cuttings), a layer of cardboard then my rotted manure on top. I will leave for a couple of weeks before planting my summer crops - all hot weather stuff, tomatoes, peppers, corgettes, aubergines et al.

This week has been great for harvesting my Brocolli, my Loquat (Nespeiras) and the ongoing crop of Cape Gooseberry. Remember the more you plant, especially fruit trees and repeating veg like the jerusalem Artichoke, the more you have free of charge. You can't beat a free eat.

This is the single large floret version - six weeks from seedling to plate

Loquat, the first of the stone fruit crops at Quinta Stuart this year, great for chutney or jam. Pick and use the same day, it rots so quick.

Cape Gooseberry, tasty little fruit, nearly all year round, just like Jaqui Smith.......

( * collective noun for a bucket full of vegetables!)

Chinese Pirate Ship Found in Olhao!

2009-03-26T18:53:00.000Z

Heavy storms, strong winds leave Chinese junk nearly 100 metres inland from the coast of Olhao in the Eastern Algarve

Jack Sparrow was asleep in the Fiat Ducato

Almost like a scene from Pirates of the Caribean, we came across this monolith of a wooden boat, propped on stilts about 100 metres away from the water next to the industrial estate on the Eastern edge of the port of Olhao. It is fantastic but weighing in at several hundred tonnes, and lying untouched for four years, slowly dying. The same thinks me, as the world. After the Russians \ Iranians diverted the main sources to the Aral Sea, enormous tankers can be found HUNDREDS of miles from a small lake that is left of this once mar fantastico. The Iranians are trying to redirect water to start filling it again, but too little too late I guess.

Fretwork and Chinese writing, this was an emperors ship

Eventually a sluggish not Jack Sparrow emerged from the white van to tell us that this boat was given by the Chinese to an Englishman who sold it to a Portuguese man who moved it here four years ago. I want it, I really want it. I want to dig a hole on my garden and plant it there and live on it, complete with scull and cross bones and a few skeletons. We didn't get to look around it - I suspect a packet of cigarettes and a bottle of red from Sete Estrelas might do the trick next time.

Still an active boat yard with low technology, love it

Welcome to follower no 19, Linda Barreiro, the Sunflower. One more follower and the cat is saved - we move on to a purple rhino next... or a few politicians maybe. There is an opportunity next month for a volunteer at Quinta Stuart, to strip and sand some tipi poles and erect it and help finish off the new eco bathroom. Room, light lunch and cooked dinner offered. You can contact me at stuartmerelie@gmail.com. One person only.

In response to a followers question, I don't put my e mail address around too much as I get swamped with volunteer requests and it wears me out!!

This green green Spring continues, now sitting out at sun down and lots of solar hot water. The need to water my new fruit trees more is a reminder to mulch them and with the dying off of the Bermuda Buttercup weed, time to attack the tall upright weeds which are now exploding out of the ground. It is time to stop planting any more trees and carefully extend and modify my irrigation. Every time we go away, we lose so many trees and find that drought resistant trees have been watered by mistake, wasting my rain water only water supply. Kind of reminds me of a boat out of water....

Echium and Peppers, summers coming

Sun, Sex and a burnt prawn curry at the OK Quinta

2009-03-16T17:52:00.000Z

Good Morning Portugal!!

Well, I feel blessed to be alive this week after being pursued by Tony One Tooth, Paula Non Stop, Valdemar the Winge, four GNR officers and oh yes two members of the Ambient Death Squad AND a few hundred caterpillars. For those with little time to read my missive, I survived, I partied and I am dead good looking.

For fourteen years, three pine trees overhung my friends property, on the neighbours land. Never a neighbour seen, I cut them down. After being affected by those horrid caterpillars, just as I had fallen three massive pines, the prodigal neighbour arrived...

a) Tony One Tooth, Patriach, one long bottom tooth.. " It's like having had my legs chopped off!"

b) Paula Non Stop, wife of above "Unbelievable (x 100)"

c) Valdemar the Winge "Like losing my son.."

d) The police "Sort it yourselves"

e) Ambient "Sort it yourselves"

Moral of the story, get a good owner on your side, check with other locals the status of the Winge Family and don't get caught in future. Cost me a nights sleep though.

It's tricky being the Robin Hood of the Landscaping and Permaculture world. A tough life but I love it!

The sun is out and the future is great. Whilst bankers moan their lack of bonus, our chickens are laying well, cabbages, beans and onions abound. I look forward to the future, to equality, to enjoying simple things not expecting new cars and fancy meals but teaching my kids backgammon and last generations card games, pic nics, bike rides, camping, window shopping, hey even smiling!! Read again what I have just written and these are activities that bring immense joy and cost ZIP. What fun the BMW service bill?

Two litres of boiling water in 26 minutes - in March?

Solar Prawn Curry anyone?

The new solar cooker from Spain is now set up and is incredible. I see no reason for anyone cooking during the summer days to use electricity or gas. They deliver to Portugal and the web site is www.generador-electrico.com. This dish was about 100 euros delivered - worth every cent. It gives out the heat equivelent to a big gas ring. It isn't going to take long to get the investment back and it really is easy to use.

One of my other investments this week is The Owl Energy Monitor. Full reports on this have been done by Permaculture Magazine and it is brilliant. Not as brilliant as having a purely solar electric system like Rainbows (check out Jonathon at ola@rainbowcommunities.org if you want a good high quality installation) but fantastic to see where all your beer money is being wasted on standbys, silly plugs etc. It consists of a sensor fitted to the incoming supply of your fuse board that trasmits to a clock that you can sit anywhere (mine is on the kitchen worktop) that tells you precisely how many watts you are using or how many euros per day et you are spending. I have struck a deal with the suppliers to import them to Portugal and the price will be around 60 euros. E mail me at stuartmerelie@gmail.com if I can help you.

Standbys, transformers and just naughty plugs - this machine saves money by showing you how much you bloody waste!!!

Just in case you thought I took time off, I have just finished my passive solar cooker, mentioned in my last blog. We had teething problems - lack of heat after we fitted the black painted tin surround and had to resort to lining the sides with tin foil. The bottom is still black and acts as a heat sink and we broke the 100 celcius barrier this week end (white bit on end of finger to prove it!). And yes, it makes great bread.

A great week. Small investments, good savings and great food. Good luck John LW and Judith, best of luck on your return to UK and see you somewhere soon xx. Life's great, don't use a bank!

The solar cooker. 100 celcius free of charge.

Finally a night in my own bed! Without Boris Johnson..

2009-03-02T18:13:00.000Z

Not a reference to Boris Johnson's boast of never being short of a woman in twenty years (there is a ruder version of this comment, but I'm writing this sober for once!!) but my return from 9 days on the road. It's all well going on holiday but a number two on your own loo and a good bit of loving in your own bed can't be beaten.
Whoops, I just sank down to Boris Johnson's level............ must get my hair cut as well.

We took Betty (The Camper) up to Portalegre to see my eldest daughter. About 100 km east of Lisbon, it is a sleepy town in the middle of cork oaks and wheat fields - not a single horta (veg. garden) to be seen - no little vegetable plots or corners of self production to be seen. Only the occasional Modelo or Lidl. It gets very hot in the summer and frosty in the winter but come on people!
The police there take great pride in fining the generally poor population there for harmless activities - two of Becky's friends were dragged out of school and fined 50 euros for picking oranges from the trees on the street. I would rather die in prison, hopefully not by some six foot four transvestite pretending to be Boris Johnson...

Part two of my travels was down towards Almeria in South east Spain. Unfortunately bad weather stopped my visit to Dave and Laura's earthship project (check out their great blog and join their newsletter at www.earthship.es) but there was lots to do there. Mainly drinking, eating and a visit to the famous honey mines at Otivar.

Breakfast in Salobrena, sponsored by theteeshirtshop.com

Although it is a region surrounded by plastic greenhouses and high fertilizer use, there really is a lot of good growing going on there and not to much mono - cropping. Whilst one field is potatoes at least the next is spring cabbage or lettuce. The infrastructure of Spain still continues to expand - new motorways abound and there is general feel that large industry is strong, though I saw a lot of small shops closed \ for rent. I went to help a friend of mine who is renovating a small town house near Motril. After being let down by three local builders he is tackling the rebuild himself. We experimented with a product called Pumasec, Capa Blanca. It comes in a 25 kgs readymix bag and you just add water to a sort of ice cream consistancy and then trowel it on like English plaster. New to me, not the throw and smooth mix we use but quick and pleasingly it dries after six hours to a bright white finish. Whilst not a natural or eco product, it ain't have nice Mum, and easy cheap (3 euros a bag, each bag does 3 square metres) so within low budgets. Anyone know of an equal here in Portugal??

One hour to do 3 square metres, whilst not perfect, it is well acceptable and also claims to be waterproof. Note this is the finished colour - no painting required!

Highlight of the trip was a drive up to Otivar to the honey mines. High on a steep hill, North of Almuncar, this has been a regular haunt of mine for twenty years. Every inch was cultivated and watered by tiny canals zig zagging down the valley. It seemed a little abandoned with more emphasis on the ubiquitous building, but still fresh air and real life.

View from the bar at Otivar. Every terrace can use the valletas (little canals)

Paco the terrier nearly ripped my hand off. At 17 he still works guiding the honey pit horses up the steep hillsides.

Yours truly securing his haul of Otivar honey. As a non complex glucose it breaks down quicker in my body and also lasts indefinitely without refrigeration. Two years supply!!

The restaurante near the honey mines has a fantastic bread oven combined BBQ. A small door to the side of the bread oven acts as a chimney and the man cooks all the meat on a rack there. Project number 76 is forming in my head!!

The oven door is perfect - to the left the heavy round counter weight makes lifting the door effortless. Mmmmmm... jealous!

Finally back home and in my own bed. The cold has returned, wet weather, soggy life BUT I have been working on a solar slow cooker. Even in its unfinished form I put an oven thermometre in and it went up to 90 celcius. Things are coming together, solar slow cooker, my tin foiled satelite dishes, my rocket stoves - anybody on for a course in carbon free cooking??
See you next week.

The solar cooker - a piece of double glazing found at my bins along with the blue insulation and a few offcuts of planks. Just needs lining with tin and black paint. So so easy.

FREE COMPETITION FOR ALL FOLLOWERS

2009-02-15T17:02:00.000Z

Thousands of prizes not to win in this dangerously easy to play competition!!

Competition Question number one, which is the real cabbage?

I was driving back from Albufeira yesterday and noticed that where the orange sellers were on the main road there were several prostitutes. Quite amazing, hooker, oranges, hooker, oranges. Some of them were quite juicy!

From no work on Tuesday, I have just picked up about four weeks hard graft:-

1) Ripping out an old Lavender hedge and replacing it with native Escalonia (less water, more permanent).

2) Removing some non native pines and pruning a few vain bound citrus

3) Hanging some golf nets (well saves the man driving to the driving range so I guess that reduces some carbon use).

4) Helping Calvin at his tipi centre near Monchique - see link on right, his bookings are going really well, just shows guys, do something different and you will be rewarded!!

5) Rebuild a dry stone wall pushed over by a big Olive.

Great, just as we are heading North to see my daughter for Carnival then a few days near Almeria to see an old pal.

Quiz question number two. Why oh why didn't Portugal invent the tapa?

One of my most impressive achievements this week was buying an excellent book on identifying mushrooms, and promptly finding and identifying three different mushrooms on my own land!!

Quiz question number three. How many were edible?

The book, lest I forget to name it is The Field Guide to Mushrooms and other Fungi of Britian and Europe, published by www.newhollandpublishers.com BUT purchased through thebookdepository.com - miles cheaper than Amazon and the postage is included (still cheaper than Amazon by two or three euros every time!!)

I found the Brown Mottegill, non edible and appears after rain especially on manure (covered my garden with manure...)

Also the Deadly Web Cap, super toxic and stops your kidneys from working..

AND the Common Ink Cap, edible but very past its sell by date..

Good though, and the book will travel with me this week. Amazing how many of them seem to grow where manure has been added. Might be nice if I could even find an edible one.

This week I planted some Tomatoes outside and some melon seedlings under five litre water bottles (empty, but I guess you guessed that..) and fixed a pig of a job. The outside sink had stopped draining, I had to remove two banana trees that the sink waste waters and eventually chip around and smash the drain to find a few inches of solidified cement and sand. One of our last woofers was very keen on washing his hands so every time it started to accumulate at the end of the tube - I was impressed that the bananas showed no signs of putting roots into my drains,. Man the beer tasted good after that job!

Keyhole surgery was needed. Competition question number four. How long did it take me and how many beers did it take for me to stop swearing at the woofer??

Amazingly these drain blockers started life as a little grime on someones hands..

And Owl finally finished her blog about the Owl house, a really nice little wooden chalet that we are renting out nice and cheaply this summer. We include free bicycle hire and breakfast, for only 220 euros a week (one or two people).

Please visit her website at rusticrentaltetreatalgarve.blogspot.com

Answers to all quiz questions to stuartmerelie@gmail.com. There may actually be a few prizes!

See you next week, Stu x

Three Walnuts, three Cherries, three eggs

2009-02-09T17:35:00.000Z

After a couple of dry days, Stuart unfreezes himself from the Cryogenic Crypt!!

If I managed the England cricket team, I would teach em to catch three eggs at a time, like me......

How oh how can that idiot Clarkson seriously insult Gordon Brown and get away with a light apology whilst Jonathon Ross gets a three month suspension for calling a hoe a hoe.... Incidentally, Damon Hill is the stig. Find him in the posh restaurant next to the Bottom Gear test track after most test sessions.

Mind, I will insult old one eye if he lets the banks pay all those failure related bonuses. Didn't you and I think the world was like this:-

a) I make baked beans

b) You buy my baked beans

c) I buy beer and women with my profit

d) The breweries and lap dancing clubs buy my baked beans

e) Etc we all live happily ever after.

Shame we were all wrong. There were no baked beans, no lap dancers just banks and Jeremy Clarkson and One Eye and Barak O Laden. Makes the Olympics seem like a lunch fund compared to The 99 Red Balloon trillion dollars game. My solution is to have the Olympics every week, but pick a country where you would like to go to .... some of our guys must have been gutted at the prospect of getting the tube to compete instead of staying in some six star training camp full of Russian totty trying harder to win a British passport than falling off that b****rd of a little beam. Sidney, oh yes please! No wonder we won so many medals, a new baby boom has just started there, all those little Rebeccas and Bradleys so cute...

Living room and kitchen (actually all one big room) at Quinta Stuart

A couple of dry days and a well waxing moon had to be the sign to do my final planting of the winter, so with Holly I dodged church and headed down to Estoi Market (2nd Sunday of every month). There is something nice about arriving early at the market as the stalls are being set up, familiar faces, bright morning sun and even a car park space. I am looking for a cart and have been offered a young mule so soon, I will make this trip and be able to park anywhere! I shall invent cart - rage, drinking whilst driving and lots more toad of toad hall stuff.

In the meantimeBatistas smiley face acknowledged the fact that finally he had my long awaited tree order. Three American Walnuts (Species Lara, a bigger tastier nut) and three Cherries - known as Gingeira and the only suitable Cherry for the Algarve (the main variaties prefer further North, like the Sweet Chestnut). And another 100 onion sets for the heck of it. Oh yes and a few dodgy DVDs and a top for owl that I should have kept for Valentines Day (Maybe I can steal it and wrap it again?)

Three Walnuts planted in a deep trench filled with my own compost. Although close to the fence, the land beyond the fence is left by the neighbour, so I may as well use his airspace!!

I planted some of the onions under my Nasturtian pots, water above, drips to plants below.

Life from the Yellow Submarine..***

2009-02-03T16:34:00.000Z

Sunset as seen through my periscope

It is now 140 years since it started raining. Even Noah would have run out of Dodo steaks to barbeque waiting for it to stop bloody raining. I have to admit it was dry yesterday, but one day doesn't count. Especially since I didn't get any dry firewood in and now only the tip of faro Cathedral is visible above the water and there is a hazard warning light flashing in the yellow submarine that I think means:-

a) We are running low on plutoneum, so best not go to supermarket.

b) The chimney for the woodburner is submerged.

c) The bloody traction hyperdrive is playing up again.

(*** Viz the title, this is not some Beatles inspired skiff. I have always detested the Beatles, their music, their family and friends, except for Wor Heather, never mess with a Geordie Lass, Paul you old Cod. The submarine is actually black but the rust stains have turned it a nasty shade of wee...)

The view from the camper window - who needs a beachfront house when you gotta camper!

We spent the week end in Spain, parked on the harbour at Punte del Morel, near Ayamonte, reading and eating and drinking, watching the sunset and trying to avoid being blown away by the tornado on Saturday night. Nice to get away. Staying put for 36 hours was a little like being in a hide - eventually the locals ignored us and continued speaking at 3,500 decibels like we weren't there. Good seafood and wine, a little short of totty though - could have done with Wor Heather.

Beach cycling - The Heather Mills Spanish Campionship,not, but good fun!

Back home, we had had 52mm of rain over the week end. That translates as 52 litres of water per square metre. Multiply that by our roof catchment area of 160 square metres and another 8000 litres of water into our water tank. It stands at an all time high of 2,05 metres (full is 3,00 metres or about 90,000 litres of water which should last us the summer (lots of watering, little is used in the house).

It is so soggy though, I dug a four foot deep hole for my wind indicator ( a Greek flag tied to an old tipi pole, cost zero) and even that had fallen over. I did manage to get a little more work done on the new outside Love Lounge and I think I will get into my workshop and build a couple of cold frames that will double up as solar cookers for the summer.

The corner trusses add a little extra touch. Got to save up for the roof now.

I have noticed my onions are loving this rain. Just been outside and picked some broccoli, chilli peppers, tomatoes, suedes (nabos) and dug some jerusalem artichokes. My broad beans have grown so quickly they have fallen over. The Almonds have finished their early this year blossom and I can see all my deciduous fruit trees budding up. Spring I guess is slowly approaching, if only I can find the instructions to land this rusty submarine...

Picked today from my garden. Now masterchef, you have 50 minutes to impress me!

Please Sir, can I have my greenhouse back?

2009-01-29T11:39:00.000Z

Hopefully my automatic music file will be working by the time you reach my this blog!

I now understand why web programmers wear anoraks and don't have girlfriends - even with all the info handed on a plate it still took me 11 hours.

I just wear an anorak because:-

a) It has rained non stop now for 14 years

b) I found one on a dead programmer

c) It makes me hot, not dead sexy (which I am) but hot warm hot.

Ah yes I remember, we forgot to peg the greenhouse back down whilst building our new outside lounge. Really high Northerly winds and I woke up in the morning sans greenhouse. Two fences later, I found it in my neighbours garden.

The Scottish chill out summer lounge - with greenhouse attached

Greenhouse flew over a pergola, two fences and my palms!

I got the idea from some photos I found in flickr from a Scottish lady in France (google "la ferme de sourrou" in Flickr) and had some posts given to me by a Scottish couple nearby.

Since I am one eighth Scottish, that means that the construction is technically 1/144th Scottish.

Then again, maths never was my strong point.

What my finished "glorriette" will hopefully look like. No anoraks will be hurt in the construction of the above!!

Since the eighteenth century, we have been persuaded by laws and conscience to accept that all power, water and gas should come from a centralized source. We all expect mains water, mains electricity, telephones and gas to be plumbed to our front door. Some people even want a stronger electricity supply, better mains water pressure. How the heck can we run the sexy crome coffee machine, the microwave and the breadmaker at the same time otherwise?

It was at this point last year, after installing electric underfloor heating in my farmhouse was the point I woke up. My quest is this. If the electricity, gas and water supply tomorrow ceased, how would I survive? The answer is, I wouldn’t. But if I knew that on the 1^st January 2018 the grid would crash could I survive? I believe so. I have set myself ten years (now actually just under 9) to become fully off grid and fully self sufficient in water, food, energy and shelter.Food. This winter I planted a lot of fruit trees to take advantage of the winter rains. Underneath these trees I constantly rotate a large selection of onions, tomatoes, broccoli, corgettes, peppers, beetroot, anything that is in season. Since I have to water the trees, the vegetables get watered as well, and the greater the combination (currently random!), the greater the symbiosis and the better the veg and the better the fruit. As they mature, then they will require less water and create shade for growing more diverse vegetables in the shade as the Algarve sun blasts down in the summer. My chickens are a big success, free to feed and using little water and producing fantastic eggs. My ducks and geese were a waste of time, sincemy land is too small to allow them to roam,few eggs and as a vegetarian no use!I am learning to collect some of the crop as seed but it will take a few years to get any where near sufficiency. I guess I manage to grow 10% of my food, less in winter. More than some buggers though

... and now for something completely different:-

International economic systems based on the cow currency.

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws

the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Swinging in the (Algarve) rain

2009-01-22T17:46:00.000Z

The Fine art of drowning.

I love rain, it fills my water tanks and waters all my tree

I hate rain, it fills my lungs and wellies and makes me pee

(2009 anon.)

Happy Birthday Robbie Burns, 250 today but sadly died at only 37, father of 12 kids. Heck two are difficult enough.

The famous Almond Blossom. Signifies wet and rain to me..

They might have sworn Barak Obama in twice, but am I the only one to guess that he is really Bin Laden, his name is an exact anagram!! I leave it to the CIA and FBI to catch up with this advanced theory. To create an alibi, he has appointed Monica Lewinsky as his Secretary of States cleaner..

My latest article is out today in the Algarve resident, if you follow the links to the right.

What weather! Just as work has started to pick up, instant soup. 36mm of rain in 36 hours. My opportunity with Stephen, my first volunteer of 2008 has been really hampered. A good man, good chat and finally forgiven the fact he is a Manchester United fan (the only one West of India I am reliably told).

Stephen struggled to find a place in Portugal to accept his offer of help, I guess it is a bit too cold and sleepy at this time of the year. Other places seem to want money to allow volunteers to help... If you want a good volunteer, contact me and I will send your e mail to him.

He had laboured away all day in the rain whilst I HAD to do some shopping somewhere deep in a warm shopping centre. I did get a chance at a warm shower at the new swimming pool in Sao Bras (my local town). Two euros, 700 metres of pain and ten minutes of hot water bliss!

Instant lake - dug two days earlier now 1 metre deep. Please stop raining, I am not a duck.

We have progressed a little, we cut the tipi poles from a wood high up above Sao Bras. At 120 euros for twenty, I think it was a reasonable deal and the seller was impressed we cut just twenty, I think he would allowed me a few more - Mr Honest as usual. I returned to his bar just as he was stripping two of the smallest rabbits I've ever seen. Well it is foraging, but I hope he had plenty of bread.

Breaking the current world record for overhanging poles by a metre or two,

a big sigh of relief when we returned home "sem multa"

The eco bathroon / kitchen has also been rendered this week. We used a mix of two parts fine sand to one part white tile cement. Whilst I know it isn't that eco, it is a lovely soft material to work with and dries slowly. Unfortunately, some of the render fell of the wall during storms overnight, but it was fixable the next morning due to it being slow drying - try that with normal cement. It looks really organic, and having fitted a couple of bottle windows and rounded all the corners, it feels nice. I have already explained to the girlfriend that I intend to live in the tipi and cook , live and love outside. She sighed and predicts I will last a week before the comfy bed beckons. Watch this space!

Eco shower bottle window. I should have used clearer bottles, looks good though.

On one of the wet days, we took a trip to Calvin and Nadines Tipi Centre and then drove up above Monchique to look at a piece of land for sale. One hectare, sloping with a river at the bottom sounded good, but it was North facing and there were not many trees. There was a good fresh water spring, but that was on a neighbours land. It is a beautiful part of the world, rough, natural and unspoilt, like me!

I will keep looking though, I need year round abundant water, south facing, lots of trees and ideally twin Swedish blondes with a pent for naturalism living next door. See you next week (if it ever stops raining...)

Permaculture is the future

2009-01-13T14:10:00.000Z

Aghhhh...... One of the down sides of multi tasking for a living looking after a sweet little white thingthat has been barking all night as she has just come into season. Having fallen asleep with Ben Laws "Woodland Year", my thoughts turned to shooting it and preparing a grey squirrel casserole after listening to the mini cayote chorus for several hours. Good job a) I am a vegetarian b) my shotgun would have made a mess of the living room c) It might have woken the rest of the household and d) I guess we wouldn't get paid if we handed back a frozen tin foil freezer pack of Lilly -o - vin rouge, and e) I have never shot a dog before, once did a wood pidgeon when I was 12 but hey, the career stopped there. Still felt like shooting it just to wake the family - how dare they sleep with this insane doggy disco going on.

Well, I paid the price, bad gout in my left ankle and no pills left, and a hang over (option f) which I tried was drinking with the dog. Bloody lightweight, had to finish the bottle of cooking sherry myself.

Multi layer planting in my raised bed. Espaliered Nectarines, Tall chilli peppers, lower red cabbage and strawberries in hanging baskets, as well as a bit of colour with a perrenial Chrysanthamum.

In my small garden at the moment, I have ready to eat:-

Vine tomatoes (in greenhouse)

Potatoes (blighted by heavy frost but tasty)

Lettuce (outside!)

Nabo (Portuguese parsnip)

Leeks (by the ton, so easy to grow)

Jerusalem artichoke (can dig up all winter if I remember where they are)

Spring onions

Lemons

Chilli peppers and lots of herbs

Grapefruit

Strawberry guava

All the trees are underplanted with vegetables, I plant what the locals sell in the market. I also follow simple biodynamic timing - if you want to know, buy the "Borde de agua" in any Portuguese newsagent.

Now this is the important bit, I am really bad at growing vegetables, I blink the bugs get them, take a day off, they die of thirst and get mildew, blight and aids. But if I can produce some of my diet, then you all can.

On Sunday I got more cauliflower and brocolli seedlings and it struck me that each week I have to plant enough seed or seedlings to produce a weeks worth of food, if I don't we will starve.

I have planted about twenty five more fruit trees this winter, bringing the total to forty odd, more vines for edible fruit, and scattered seed anywhere it will take - especially against walls, at the bottom of fences. If weeds blow in and grow in these places so will my plants!

Vine tomatoes in my home made green house, Mango in the middle , onions and lettuce at ground level.

Constant soil improvement is essential. Grapefruit, Nabo, second year Broccoli and a few young onions surround the trunk. Since I have to water the Grapefruit, everything else gets watered at the same time. Symbosis my dear Watson!!

My first volunteer of the year, Stephen arrives today. He sounds interesting, qualified architect and last year cycled across the states. New York to Portland. Lets hope he can mix some lime, build a roof, cut some coppice and design my outside kitchen. Oh yes, I wonder if he can cook a little dog as well.........

And finally folks, an ode from Mr Bush. Happy retirement Dubya

Thirteenth night

2009-01-01T15:11:00.000Z

Happy - Nooooo - Year !!!!!!!!!!!

Perhaps I should have kept my broken gearbox as a flowerpot! My daughter Holly, pictured next to a square foot type flowerbed, made from the broken track of my excavator. I would say very green in recycling a piece of rubbish but I am still smarting from buying a new set of tracks AND a reconditioned gear box for my old Mercedes - both on the same day just before Christmas...

Pictured behind from the left is the new eco kitchen, the compost toilet and the volunteer accomodation - now double lined with a small woodburner and lit by a 12 volt solar system.

I opened the door of the campervan on New Years morning to find:-

a) We were parked on a verge in the middle of Albufeira.

b) A young girl with one shoe in her hand was howling her head off. I think she had just finished drinking and wanted to borrow 50 cents to make a call as she had lost her bag and phone on the beach. I smiled and with my new resolution told her to run away ( NY resolution number one, stop being nice to anyone and say exactly what I feel..)

c) My girlfriend had lost her phone, presumed missing in action on the same aforesaid beach. Big search, obviously stolen, evidently part of an international ring of New Years Eve Pissed On The Beach Phone Stealing Ring. Found this amusing as it is normally me who does such stupid things.

Strangely, the phone turned up a couple of hours later in a saucepan in the campervan cupboards (can't have been me, mr safety conscious could it....) Strange how you look at things differently just because it has clicked into 2009. I have an overwhelming urge to organize, sort and tidy - and these are just the kids and girlfriend, just wait until I hit the garage!!)

At the start of 2008, probably with an equally sized double sledge hammer of a hangover, and in a dodgy hotel in Istambul (threw that in so you think I am jet set white trash when actually I am very anti planes), I decided to give myself ten years. Not lifespan or jail but ten short years to change my lifestyle so that we could support ourselves near enough self sufficiently at Quinta Stuart. Ten years to become low energy, net food producers, sharers and humble enough not to WANT to wake up in a mafia owned Istambul hotel room where even the bathroom was the colour of nicotine.

So 2008 was a very positive year and I feel happy that the clock has ticked down to only nine years to D Day. I won't comment on climate change or peak oil, there are enough blogs on these subjects - suffice to say change your lifestyle now, if only for me!

Projects achieved in 2008.

1. Compost toilet.

After travelling around, I knew that I had to build a really smart loo so that girlfriend and two daughters would use it and that it would be an inspiration to the leagues of Doubting Thomases also known as my friends.

I built the two chamber system, with a good vent, massive chambers and big enough for several hundred books, pictures , blackboard, view and solar powered light. It has surpassed all expectations and even the posh in laws and a forty strong gardening club loved it.

The librarian hard at work...

2. Compost heap.

An easy construction of two square wooden frames against the corner of a tall stone wall. Works well and we put everything except for bones and the ash from the woodburner in it - the ash stays as solid soggy lumps. I just emptied the first chamber, it was about six months since we put anything into it. The compost is generally good but a bit woody - I had to throw a few bits away but ended up with six big wheel barrow loads to plant some new walnuts with.

3. Grey water.

I rerouted all the shower and kitchen water so it fills a seperate tank before the main septic tank. If this 800 litre tank overfills, it automatically runs into the septic tank. There is no filtering as all my land is level, but using only eco products, we pump the water straight onto trees. it whiffs a bit so I don't use it for my vegetables.

4. Chicken tractor

I had ducks and geese as well, but all they did was eat and eat, so I gave them away - very pointless keeping these guys when you are a vegetarian!! The two chickens are great, two minutes a day to feed and regular layers of fantastic eggs. Their run is on wheels so we move it to weedy area and job done. From terms of economics, a two euro bag of food lasts a month. We get around 36 eggs a month... probable worth about ten euros. We let them out now and again but they tend to hammer my seed beds and small veg. seedlings and don't lay any more for the early parole.

Chicken tractor

I will explain about all my planting in next weeks blog. Must go and sort something!

New Years Eve

2008-12-30T23:10:00.000Z

After a really wet couple of days, a smoking fire, an absent girlfriend (housesitting) and two mud strewn dogs, I'm kinda looking forward to falling into 2009.

You will have to wait for my speel on Quinta Stuart, our little eco farm as three things have just occurred to me!!

1. Rainfall this year is nearly 700mm (see link to Algarve Weather on sidebar) - this is somewhat above average of 450mm. Great except I didn't link the owl house to the water tank so I wasted collecting a lot.

2. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran is definately a cool person. Neither the Queen or "Dubya" or Obama (Nickname anybody?) came close to summing up Christmas. He stated that if Jesus was on the world today , our Saviour would be really dismayed at the violence and murder that is going on so close to his place of birth. For stating the truth, he gets lambasted in the national press. The Americans kill far more people than Iran and have honed torture to a fine art (Guantanamo Bay for example).

3. The answer to the credit crunch on a postcard please!! It seems the fat cats have a new solution - pay cuts and pay freezes. In my job, my prices have been frozen for the last three years - the market and competition dictates this. What disappoints me is the original reason, undoubtedly human greed. New car anyone?

4. I love Portugal because of its simplicity. Ignore the nasty paperwork, all countries are the same. No space in England for a country boy like me. A leading English vet now recommends not throwing sticks for dogs as they are too dangerous. Dan Brockman, white coat man at the Royal Vet College completes his own anal labotomy with this classic statement " I have seen injuries that have cost up to 5000 pounds in treatment fees - but where the dog has still died in the end" Lets hope the credit crunch allows you to lower your fees for us humble ex pats, don't choke on your fois gras amigo.

And if you want to read a little about Quinta Stuart, read my articles on the Algarve Residents website ( www.portugalresident.com/portugalresident/showstory.asp?s=GARDEN&side=42)

If that stupid set of hyroglyphics doesn't work, go to www.portugalresident.com and click on homes and gardens then click on gardens.

Well Happy New Year and see you in a week. Don't forget we need the odd volunteer at the farm if you have a few days spare. Lunch, dinner and a wood fire in exchange for four hours work.