Monday, 18 March 2013

Norman Wisdom never broke his ankle

WELL, if there is one thing I do regularly, it is go to Faro hospital. After slipping on my terrace and working the next day on it, the following morning unable to do anything but bounce on one leg, I headed to Faro hospital.
Norman Wisdom never tripped over but he wont too good with ladders...

Well in terms of idiotic actions, this is how to do it:-

1. Drive to hospital (fortunately my car is an automatic)
2. Try to park
3. As I park realise I have forgotten my health card
4. Drive home and back to hospital
5. Park about a mile from the hospital
6. Hobble on crutches (all landscapers own crutches)
7. Stop 20 times
8. On 21st stop, get covered in water from passing car
9. Check in to A and E (ten mins,  pretty good)
10. Wait for half an hour reading latest Sunday Times
11. Get called to "Triagem" to see what colour band I am awarded
12. Get Green for Gringo band
13. Get a wheelchair and a woman I vaguely recognised

Diazapam? Oh no mate we've got better than that....
14. Get wheeled to a boiling waiting room next to a man who reeks of wee
15. Realise have left a fivers worth of newspaper in previous waiting area
16. Wait for an hour or so dodging determined leg bashers...
17. Get called to Room 5
18. Go to Room 5 using my crutches as paddles as no helper (works well)
19. See doctor who looks younger than my daughter
20 Go to X Ray, using crutches to avoid chaffeur ramming leg off every corner

I suspected the porter had a grudge before he even pushed me....

well it goes on and on, net result ripped ankle ligaments, no pain killers and last six days in bed. Thanks to Sue M for the mothering, and Pharmacia Coelho for the industrial pain killers needed to sleep..

                               That's life

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